A hippie with a minivan...

I have Moved!

2005-12-10T17:28:00.000-05:00

My Rant Can now be seen at

paxye.com/blog

please update your bookmarks and links
you will magically be teleported within a few seconds :)

Moving

2005-12-10T08:32:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of moving.... by blog that is... not my home....
I got a new computer last week... a really cool laptop that I can use in the middle of the livingroom while the boys are playing... (of course I am spending too much time on it the last few days)
Anyways... I want to start my business now... selling wraps and slings not only from home but from the internet... (also, teething necklaces, buckwheat nursing pillows, babywearing poncho etc) I also want to make it a AP info site....
So I got a domain name and a year of hosting and I am going to get my site up and running in the near future... www.paxye.com
I decided that the move to wordpress will also be a cool move... The categories, the versatility etc...
so the new blog will be located at paxye.com/blog
It is still a work in progress so I will say when the move will be official....

Another sad day... another little story

2005-12-08T11:14:00.000-05:00

The very day that we arrived in Montreal back in 86 we went to see the fireworks. By chance we met up with an old friend of my mom’s from way back when… He was married at the time and they just had a baby… however, the relationship was far from good at the time..
Within a few years his marriage had fallen apart and I started to see him more and more often at our home. It was good, I liked him a lot and he was very respectful, of me and my mother.
When it was time for us to get a new apartment he asked me if I would mind if he moved in with us. He explained that he had not yet talked about it with my mom because he wanted my opinion first… with that move he got my respect and he became a very important part of my life, and within a month or two we were living as a family. I was in my early teens when he came into our home and quickly he became a father figure for me. He was a real “Dad” We had fun times, long talks, laughs, spats… he gave advice, looked out for me, presented me as his daughter, chauffeured me around… everything that I expect a “real” father would have done….
The thing about Roger was that he was just an amazing man… he was always the center of attention, he was always the one that everyone wanted to be with, he was the life of the party, he was a walking encyclopedia of music and sports, he was intelligent, he was street-smart, he was honest and thought good of everyone, he was hard working, he was sensitive, he was always there for the ones that he cared for, he was one of the most amazing men that I have had the honor of meeting in my whole life. All of these qualities made him loved by everyone and his job of barman was just a perfect match…
A few years ago he was diagnosed with Hep C…, it scared him and he didn’t do the things that he should have done to get things under control… he was scared to leave a lifestyle behind that had been part of him for so long… At that point the relationship with my mom had also deteriorated and things were just a bit off for him…Not long after, he was diagnosed with cirrhosis and a tumor that was the size of a large orange was found in his liver that was beyond treatment.
He was given 9 months to live.
He was a grandpa, he was ready to leave a part of his life behind, he was ready to live better an healthier but it was too late…
He started on a experimental treatment that would help buy a little more time and through it all there where many ups and downs… He was so proud of me and he was so much in love with Xavier. They had an amazing relationship and they had a very special connection. Xavier loved his “Pops”
Soon after I found out I was pregnant with Colin, in the spring of 2004, Roger was going through very rough times. He was hospitalized a few times because his disease was affecting his brain making him confused and delirious, it had been a year that he had been diagnosed and we thought that he wouldn’t make it to summer… Summer came and so did cottage time and his spirits and heath rose… he was in good enough shape to enjoy the time that he and my mom spent up north, he was in good enough shape to help us put some paint on the walls, he was in good enough shape for us to have a great summer with him, I regained the hope that he would meet Colin… In September he was there when Colin was born and it was one of the happiest moments of my life…
However, his health went back down as the weather got colder, we celebrated his birthday on Oct 4th, we had a great Thanksgiving supper (the first traditional super that I have made) and we talked on the phone more and more often as we saw each other less and less as he got sicker… On Dec 7th of last year we talked on the phone, laughed and said I love you and during the night he took a turn for the worst and died in the hospital the next day…
It has been a year today and I miss him more then anything… I still cry every few days, I still talk about him often with Xavier and Xavier still remembers him vividly… I don’t want him to lose that…
The world lost an amazing man one year ago today….

It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas....

2005-12-03T18:40:00.000-05:00

We had a productive day today...
The kids let us sleep in until 7:30 this morning... but even with the late start on the morning (and yes, 7:30 is late compared to the time that Colin usually wakes us up) we got the house work done by noon... even cleaning up spots that we never have the time to get to....
We then got the Xmas lights put up outside while the kids had their naps and we were just finishing when they both woke up... Then the Xmas tree went up... With Xmas music in thebackground, Xavier, and even Colin, helped put decorations on the tree, and I got the stockings up too...
Both kids are in awe of the lights that are hanging outside of their window...
And tonight we are ltting Xavier stay up late to watch the Wizard of Oz with us....

It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas....

(....though the Sushi I made for supper kind of ends it on a weird note LOL...
but hey! it's Saturday and Sushi is my favorite Saturday meal ;) )

Anyways...

Here are some pics...

World AIDS day today.. a little story

2005-12-01T18:46:00.000-05:00

On June 14th 1980 my mom met a man at his birthday party thrown by mutual friends and drew an instant connection with him.

He was gay and had always wanted a family and my mom was looking for someone to be part of my life also... a few months later he asked her to marry him, A marriage between friends, a family for him. But things where cut short because he was illegally in Canada at that moment. He had been in the Secret Service in the US (Intelligence) in the Vietnam war, and hadn't been able to get across the border, so he had sneaked in through the woods north of Spokane WA...
He was discovered and needed to leave immediately...
We headed to AZ a few months later, then he came back to see us and then again we went back to him... Around his birthday again in 1982 while we where in AZ he and my mom saw the "White Wedding" music video and decided to get married within a few days... On June 21st 1982, Miguel became my "Daddy"... and from that day forward I saw him as my Dad.... he was a big part of my life, his family became mine and he was proud of me...
My mom wanted to live in Canada and he wanted to stay in the US but that didn't keep us apart for long. We either went to AZ or he was with us in Nelson.
the most important part of all of it was that he was committed to me, the marriage that he had with my mother was to become my father and it was a role he didn't take lightly... However, in 1984, he found out he was HIV+ ...
When we moved to Quebec however, things changed a bit because it was farther but we tried to get down to AZ as often as possible and we always had a relationship through the phone and letters....
He got sicker and sicker as the years past and in 1996 he was getting sicker but felt awful more because of the meds then the disease itself so he stopped talking the meds all together at that time... In April 97 I talked to him one day and he told me that his T-Cells count was down to 4... A few weeks later, on May 8th, a Thursday night, 13 years after he found out he was HIV+ , the night of my last College Exam and I was out partying, I came back to my boyfriends apartment and came face to face with a note from my mom... it was not like her to call without a reason and I learned a few minutes later that he had died that morning...
Miguel was an amazing, intelligent, funny, charismatic, handsome, loving man and the most amazing father that I could have had in those crucial year of my life...
I still think of him often, I still talk to my family in AZ, I wonder if he would be proud of me now, I would have loved for him to see his grandkids...

Most of all.....

I miss him...

Micheal "Miguel" Keith Kirkman
1944 -1997

100 things about me

2005-11-28T17:19:00.000-05:00

My favourite colour is Red
I was born in Montreal
I was raised in Nelson BC by my mom
My mom has been married twice
My mom has been widowed twice
My Dad is still alive
My mom’s first husband and the first man that I saw to be my dad was gay… he died of Aids in 97
I met my dad when I was 9
I met Simon through a BBS
I got married in 1999 at 21
I wore my “Docs’’ sandals under my wedding dress
He wasn’t my “style” but I fell in love with him instantly
I never wanted to get married when I was younger
I have never thought I could feel so comfortable with someone
I hate when he is not home
I have two amazing little boys
I am Tandem nursing the boys and will nurse them until they self-wean
I feel sorry for kids that have never been breastfed
I was never breastfed because my mom needed to take meds and was told that she couldn’t breastfeed me
I want to have 4 kids
I am an only child
I have a half brother and a step-brother
I have always wondered what it was like to have a real sibling
I have always wanted children
I want to adopt
I want to homeschool
I want to have a hobby farm
I would love to live in a communal setting
I hate crowds
As a child we lived in a house without electricity or a bathroom
I also lived in a ‘62 ford Econoline
I also lived in a tent for about 6 months
I have attended 11 schools, 6 of them before grade 6
I was in Foster care twice
My mother is/was a drug addict/alcoholic (and denies it)
My godmother used to shoplift meat by stuffing it into my coat
I have a love/hate relationship with my mother
I Have never had a ‘boys are yucky’ phase
I took 3 years of figure skating
I was in a choir for 4 years
I was in Air Cadets for 6 years
I was a officer for 2 years and taught drill and music
I hate Cadets and military
I played Trombone for 8 years
I was in two plays in high school
I did two musicals in College (Hair and Jesus Christ Superstar)
I designed/drew a poster for a play in College
I started College in Liberal Arts, I graduated in Creative Arts
I went half way across the country to study Native Studies and stayed only one semester
I graduated with a degree in Religion
I learned Hebrew
I am an Atheist
I have never believed in a god
I went to many different churches when I young
I don’t know what I could do with my degree
I love a good debate
As a child I was addicted to Archie comics and Judy Bloom novels
My favourite books are: The Pillars of the Earth, Wicked, Harry Potter, Narnia,
My favourite kid books are: The Butterfly Ball & the Grasshopper’s Feast, No Kiss for Mother,
My favourite movies: The Big Lobowski, Oh Brother where art thou?, Ghost World, Amadeus, Harold and Maude ( and well almost anything by Tim Burton)
My Favourite music: Barenaked Ladies, Great Big Sea, Bob Dylan, Tom Waits, Nick Cave, Squirrel Nut Zippers, Chris de Burgh,
I don’t wear make up
I don’t dye my hair
I only have 2 pairs of pants that I wear for days at a time
I only wear PJ’s at home
I hate having things (socks and shoes)on my feet
I get insulted if someone doesn’t take off their shoes coming into my house
I always remember the smell of people's homes
I have always wanted to write a book
I have worked as a cashier, receptionist, office temp, at a vet, grocery store sample lady, portrait photographer.
I am lazy
I bake bread every 1-2 days
I like window shopping
I am very sensitive to scents
I get offended if someone smokes close to me or my kids
I am a Leo
I was born in the year of the snake
I once saw a Lion up close at a sad little Cliffside “zoo” in Monaco
I have 2 tattoos : a sleeping lion cub on my ankle and a dove on my back
I love to travel
I have long strawberry-dirty blond hair & blue eyes
I am not afraid of getting older
I have two cats “Nelson” and “sparky”
15 year old Nelson pee’s everywhere but I can’t imagine “putting him down”
I would start woodworking but don’t have money for tools
I want to make toys
I watch too much TV
I love to sew
I love to knit (Nelson peed on my last project though)
I have Asthma
I have had several operations: Tonsils and adenoids (removed), Appendicitis (removed), ruptured ovarian cysts, bleeding polyps in my gall bladder (removed) & a Spitz Nevus (Juvenile melanoma) on my cheek (removed)
I was once attacked by an army of ants
I was once attacked by bees (I had about a dozen stings)
I once came face to face with a bear
At 5 years old I persuaded a teenager to put me on his back while he dove off a 100 foot cliff into a swimming hole
I almost drowned in a lake at 1 year old, after a friend of the family dove three times and finally found my foot and brought me to the surface I squeeled ‘encore!’ (more!)
I don’t go to the doctor
I am scared of Dentists
I love staying at home
I would like to have more friends IRL

Can't make any excuses....

2005-11-26T17:38:00.000-05:00

Cleaning up the playroom we found the recumbant bicycle... not that the 150 pound thing was really lost it was just conveniantly out of the way... Simon asked me what I wanted to do with it.. I told him that we could put it away cause I don't get the chance to use it much... he looked at me and said... 'No, guess what... every night after supper when you want to go on the computer you are going to do at least 5 min"
I can't get around it... no excuse will work... I have been putting it off and I shouldn't make excuses... When I bought it I was actively losing weight, and I started with 5 min every 2-3 days and within a month I was doing 30 min every morning...
Thanks for the kick in the but sweetie!!

A few posts that I am writing...

2005-11-26T09:26:00.000-05:00

I am in the process of writing a few posts that will appear soon...

"AP may be my religion but Sears is not my god"
"Parenting and Guilt"
"Holier-then-thou? who's really doing the judging"
and "100 things about me"

But for now....

Add your self to the Map
&
Open question period... Ask me anything and I will answer!

The season's a coming....

2005-11-23T13:45:00.000-05:00

First of all... in light of tomorrow… happy turkey day to my southern neighbours...For the rest us you... well... happy Thursday!

I was thinking about the Traditions of the holidays and what my family traditions have been and what traditions I want to keep and make for my own…

To begin with…
I come from a typical Catholic French-Canadian Family.
When I was younger Xmas was celebrated by having a late supper at my grandmother’s on Xmas Eve with all of the traditional French-Canadian dishes…

- Ragoût de boulette et de Pattes de cochon (meatball and pig feet stew)
- Tourtière (Meat Pie)
- Turkey
- Cranberry sauce
- Mashed Potatoes and Peas (I didn’t eat the peas)
and for desert Sugar pie and  Ice Cream Yule Log

At midnight we would all gather around the tree and exchange gifts…

At about the time I met Simon, my grandmother moved into a smaller home and we stopped going there for Xmas eve… us kids were growing up and having other places to go and it was just becoming a lot of work for my grandmother to do by herself…
The traditional supper was moved to New Years day…
For 2 years I went to Simon’s mom’s and sister’s home for Xmas eve while my mom started a new tradition… she and my step dad would invite a few friends over who didn’t have families to go to and have a Chinese Fondue and just eat for hours on end… with entrée’s of all different kinds of cheeses and bread, smoked salmon and escargot….
The third year of this I decided to stay and partake of this supper also and since then it has become a tradition…
When Xavier was born we no longer had the extra friends come over and instead invited Simon’s mom and Sister and we started to do this at our home instead of at my mom’s home…
This has been our tradition since…
With the death of my step-dad last December it was a hard time last year and wasn’t a very joyous occasion at all…  and this year my mom’s new boyfriend will be the new face… and I am still not sure of my reaction to this…

Because Simon’s mom and Sister don’t sleep over Xmas eve the kids get their presents before they go to bed and the rest of the gifts are opened on Xmas morning…

What traditions I miss and want to bring back or introduce…

-the traditional supper… it is the supper that my great grandmother would make when she was the head of the family and the one that I have just always associated with Xmas… I think it is one tradition that I would love to bring back… it may be a weird menu for people that have never tasted it but for us me it brings me back to my roots… and the smell of sage, savoury and thyme just mean Xmas for me…

- putting the presents out while the kids are asleep… usually they just accumulate under the tree appearing when they get wrapped….

-  I would love to make it a big deal of telling stories that deal with the traditions of the holiday… Why we have a tree, why there are lights on the tree, the meaning of the star why we exchange gifts and  all of the pagan roots of the holiday etc…

What are your traditions? I would love to get more ideas….

To make believe or not make believe....

2005-11-20T14:45:00.000-05:00

In the Jolly old man I mean...

This is the dilemma that we are now facing as the holidays come up…

Like you have read (or maybe not) in my profile, I am an Atheist and so is Simon… we celebrate the holidays and Xmas because it is something that is traditional in our household and we believe that there is a certain magic to Xmas and we don’t want to leave it behind. We also don’t see anything religious about Xmas either… (Besides the name)

Santa Clause is an icon of Xmas that I have not always been comfortable with… I have always seen Santa as being a lie and I don’t want to lie to my children but on the other hand I like the magic of the stories of St. Nick…

At this moment Xavier believes in Santa just because that is what he is learning from his environment… this is what the kids around him are led to believe and what the other adults that he knows tell him…

Simon and I are still at a loss of what to do… do we tell him about the magic of the season and the origins of all the stories and symbols… or do we make him believe in something that is just a lie… Do we have him write to Santa so that he can get a letter back for his scrapbook and have presents under the tree from Santa or do we just tell him right away that there is no such thing… or do we let others talk about it, not say a word, not encourage it, not lie but not tell the truth and let his imagination do the rest… isn’t that as bad as lying though?

I would really love to have ideas from others…

Can the magic of Christmas be without the lie of the jolly old guy?

I guess I hit a nerve....

2005-11-20T12:52:00.000-05:00

I deleted a comment on the last post because it was just full of insults and nonsense and I just won't have it... I really don't mind people disagreeing with me... I actually like exchanging ideas with people that I don't agree with so that I can see the arguments that they are presenting...
However... I won't let someone outright insult me... not here anyways.... so I have put the moderation mode on the comments... I won't delete a comment because someone doesn't agree with me but I will not let it go through if it is insulting....
As for the comment it was from an anonymous poster.... and pretty much said that formula by prescription was so dramatic that I should be writing for soap operas and that I was stupid, didn't have an education, can't read studies etc etc....

side note...
All the comments that I make are not at all against the users of Formula, it is about the substance itself (I know people might see it as being the same but it really isn't) ... and the Hate that I have is against Formula is mostly toward the companies that make it.... they are the ones that have made people actaully think that Formula is an equal (and good) option.... they are the ones that hide the dangers of Formula etc.... We all want what is best for our children... I just want the truth about formula to be known and the truth is that it can be very dangerous and is not at all a equal choice as the Formula companies make it out to be...

CLSC last night...

2005-11-16T19:04:00.000-05:00

I gave a Pre-natal last night and I got home at 10pm!... The nurse asked me if I could present some wraps and slings at the end of the class and I of course gladly accepted... We did the whole class, there was about 10 couples one of the biggest groups that I have had to date and also the most talkative. One mom in particular was very off the idea of breastfeeding and really had a head full of outdated info and tons of myths... she is having her second child 20 years after her first and I think is still dealing with guilt issues of her first parenting experience... Anyways I suffered through the stupid breastfeeding video from the 80's that they have to show (I have seen it at least a dozen times now and it is just getting old!!) and then at the end of the class I showed the wrap and sling... everyone thought it was great and they all took my card... just as I was packing up a mom came up to me, asked about price, when she could call, where I live etc... and then asked if I always have some at home... I had brought the slings that I have left with me so I showed her what I had and she bought one right away...
The nurse came back in the room at that point and we started talking... the girl that bought the wrap is a local police officer and she and the nurse our friends... we started talking and something she said really surprised me... she HATES giving the classes because she doesn't like what she has to say... she has to stick by the rules and they are the rules that she herself doesn't adhere to... We talked about how hard it was to have to recommend things, teach things that we just don't agree with. We have to put our own feelings and experiences aside and give the 'blanket recommendation' (Vit D supplements, co-sleeping etc)
We talked about how hard it was to talk about breastfeeding, talk about how important it is, talk about how easy it can be, talk about it being the best when you know very well that you are wasting your breath....
We both wished that we could stop talking about the importance of breastfeeding and could just focus on the dangers of Formula....

If Breastfeeding reduces the risks of :

Cancer (breast, ovarian, and uterine for mom and baby girls),
obesity,
asthma,
Crohn's disease,
diabetes (and insulin requirements in diabetic mothers),
Allergies,
Helps prevent post-partum hemorrhage,
Ear infections,
diarrheal infections,
bacterial meningitis,
respiratory infections,
rheumatoid arthritis,
Hodgkins disease,
protects baby against some vision defects,
osteoporosis
etc…etc…etc….

AND Breastfeeding is the NORMAL way to feed our child…

Then it can be easily concluded that Formula is a CAUSE of many of these diseases…
Again… I am Tired of talking about the benefits of breastfeeding when it is the dangers of Formula that we should be focusing on… but that will never happen because we don’t want to make moms feel ‘guilty’ and there is no money to be made by breastfeeding….

This of course is proof…

Anyways… it felt good to talk with someone that is in the same situation and it makes me feel good to know that there are more and more with the same ideas as me, people that I can share with and have great conversations with….

Today was a fun day...

2005-11-14T19:51:00.000-05:00

I got some housework done and did a lot of art work and playing with the kids... Xavier played with play dough, chalk board (made his first "stick man"), painted, did crafts etc... Colin played with the chalkboard, had a few foot prints in paint and coloured...
I love days like this... here are a few pics...

Xavier

2005-11-14T19:48:00.000-05:00

November 1621
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Colin

2005-11-14T19:47:00.000-05:00

November 1581
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Colin colouring

2005-11-14T19:46:00.001-05:00

November 1471
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Xavier playing with Play dough

2005-11-14T19:46:00.000-05:00

November 1401
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Colin

2005-11-14T19:45:00.000-05:00

November 1361
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Xavier's first "Stick man"

2005-11-14T19:44:00.000-05:00

November 1431
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Kiss

2005-11-14T19:38:00.000-05:00

November Kiss
Originally uploaded by paxye.

Defining a woman in our society…

2005-11-10T14:24:00.000-05:00

It saddens me that in our culture that women are often so self oriented. The women I see around me, those I talk to, often work out of the home, need to get out once a week for dinner and a movie with their significant other, go for lunches on a regular basis with girlfriends, get their nails done, their hair done and all of the other stuff that they seem to find ‘important’… all the stuff that they did before they had children. Yet don’t see the importance of raising their kids completely, don’t see the importance of being a full time mom. They see motherhood and their kids as being a threat to the way that they define themselves. They cling to the identity that they had when childless and don’t want to leave any of that behind. They define themselves as women, as feminists, as working moms, as ‘themselves’…
I really don’t have anything against moms that work out of the home, they have their own reasons I guess and I can’t argue with them because they see it as doing what is right for them. However, I personally can’t understand it….
I can understand that there are some moms that are alone and that need the money and don’t have a choice… I can understand that it is sometimes the mom that makes more money, I can’t understand why the dad wouldn’t stay at home, I can’t understand the ones that say they “need” the money for their second car, the big house, the trips and the plasma screen TV …. I can’t understand how people say that they are the ones raising their kids when their kids are in daycare 5 days a week for 10 hours a day…
I know a few moms that have their kids in daycare full time and see the reality that the daycare has a great influence on their child’s life (negative as well as positive)… the daycare workers are the ones that often see the first steps, hear the first word, kiss booboo’s away, teach and take care of the children… others that I know don’t see the daycare as being anything more then a place that they take their children for a ‘few’ hours and they are the only ones “raising” their kids….
Yes, maybe there are women that really just do love their jobs and want to continue to work and to them I would just have to agree to disagree because I love my job as mother too.

Before I had kids I was in school, working, went out, had fun, got married and had time with my husband to get to know him, I was myself, doing what I wanted to do when I wanted to do it... When I had kids, I stayed the same yet changed. I became a Mom. I took on a definition to my life that I don’t see as being contradictory to myself but complimentary. Sure I don’t do all of the things that I did before and sure I miss it sometimes but for now, especially while the kids are so young my job is to be a mother and I can be myself while doing that. I understood that I only have a few years to raise my kids, to teach them, to discover them, to make them feel like they are the most important beings on the face of this earth. When they are a bit older, I can do more of the things that I did before (if they still interest me). Raising my children is the most important job that I could ever hold in my life, and they reward me everyday for doing so.
I know that for some women working out of the house is what they equate to being equal to men… I understand the ‘equality’ issue… however, the most common complaints that I have hear about the ‘traditional’ nuclear family has often been how the mom was the one raising the kids while the dad was the one that came home tired and cranky at night and that was seen on weekends… Is this what women really want? To be away from their kids as much as the men in the past?
I don’t see myself as inferior for staying home and raising my kids… there are women that provide childcare as a living… am I inferior to them? No, I am not paid. But I am doing the same thing… I am just doing it for myself instead of paying someone else to do it for me…
I guess I am lucky in the fact that I have a husband that acknowledges that what I do is important and that I work hard. He expects of my to raise my kids, not raise him, he doesn’t expect that the house is spotless but smiles when the kids have drawings or crafts to show him. He is hardworking out and in the home. He sees me as an equal and treats as such.
I think the overall problem with the image of women is the home stems from the image of man being dominant because of it… The problem with this though is that the way to change this view is to change the mentality of the men and doing so can only be done by showing that being a mom is a job like any other and that the other stuff just needs to be equally divided between the mom and the dad…
The other problem is the constant conception that those who actually love to be home with their kids on a full time basis are really lying to themselves and are just trying to be Martyrs are second class citizens and are not 'modern' women etc...

If you really want to work then do so.. I don't think that everyone should and has to be a SAHM... but it doesn't mean that it isn't a valid choice and that it isn't as important a job... but I truly believe that in choosing for both parents to work outside of the home that it also means that you are willing to share and leave the responsibility of raising your kids with someone else....

Afterthought: don't we all think of things the morning after ;)

I think the important thing is that we have to understand that a woman doesn't have to lose herself to become a full time mom...
She doesn't just take on the challenge of taking care of her children but takes on the challenge of redefining herself. Some things are left behind and forgotten and they are often the petty things, leaving the core of who we really are and then we rebuild from there. Past friendships may dwindle and be left behind leaving time and space for another generation of friends that we will keep for a lifetime. It does take a village to raise a child and through the friendship that I have made I am building my village, friends for my kids, other kids that I can kiss booboo’s for, other adults to give and get ideas and support, and share with.

I didn’t lose myself by staying home but redefined and enriched myself.

Weird things in charting world.... may be Too much info for some ;)

2005-11-08T19:04:00.000-05:00

AF came for me today... however, she is weird....
At the end of a 43 day cycle, she came at only 10 DPO with a big temp dip in the morning to put me on watch....
It is weird because she is not full force as she usually is on the first day of arrival....
For a few hours I was wondering if it was maybe implantion spotting... I don't think so though... Fertility Friend started a new chart for me as soon as I put the info in.... So I guess We'll try again ;)

Things for Sale ;)

2005-11-07T18:52:00.000-05:00

I have received a few questions about the wraps and slings that I now sell…
So I have put up a site to show what I have to offer… there are still some things missing but most of the stuff is there…
Ellaroo,
Maya wrap,
Maman Kangouroo and a
New babywearing Poncho
that is locally made and is just going on the market…

I also sell Cuddy wrap, buckwheat pillows, buckwheat nursing pillows and a wide array of teething necklaces… I will be adding them to the list soon…

If you’re interested in something… come see!

A few things about Formula...

2005-11-07T18:43:00.000-05:00

What the WHO (World Health Organization) says:

"because of the hazards associated with using breast-milk substitutes, infant formula was no ordinary consumer product, but that, up to the age of four to six months, it should be treated more as a nutritional medicine that should be used with the advice and under the supervision of health workers. The report also noted that, even seen from the viewpoint of fostering competition, direct advertising to mothers with infants in the first four to six months of life was singularly inappropriate because:
· advertising infant formula as a substitute for breast milk competes unfairly with normal,
healthy breastfeeding, which is not subject to advertising, yet which is the safest and lowestcost method of nourishing an infant; and
· advertising infant formula as a substitute for breast milk favours uninformed decisionmaking, bypassing the necessary advice and supervision of the mother’s physician or health worker.
In this respect, the report concluded, it can be considered that advertising of infant formula fails to achieve the objectives of ensuring best quality and the lowest cost and creating an informed public, which are among the benefits assumed to be a result of direct advertising."
"Those who suggest that direct advertising has no negative effect on breastfeeding should be asked to demonstrate that such advertising fails to influence a mother’s decision about how to feed her infant."
"Proper use of infant formula should rather be the result of informed decision-making based on objective and consistent advice, and appropriate supervision. This message is implicit in the final paragraph of the preamble to the International Code of Marketing of Breast-milk Substitutes, which states:
Believing that, in the light of the foregoing considerations, and in view of the vulnerability of infants in the early months of life and the risks involved in inappropriate feeding practices, including the unnecessary and improper use of breast-milk substitutes, the marketing of breast-milk substitutes requires special treatment, which makes usual marketing practices unsuitable for these products.
No breast-milk substitute, not even the most sophisticated and nutritionally balanced formula, can begin to offer the numerous unique health advantages that breast milk provides for babies.
Nor can artificial feeding do more than approximate the act of breastfeeding, in physiological and emotional significance, for babies and mothers alike. And no matter how appropriate infant formula may be from a nutritional standpoint, when infants are not breastfed or are breastfed only partially, feeding with formula remains a deviation from the biological norm for virtually all infants."
http://www.who.int/nut/documents/infant_formula_trade_issues_eng.pdf"
18. The vast majority of mothers can and should breastfeed, just as the vast majority of infants can and should be breastfed. Only under exceptional circumstances can a mother’s milk be considered unsuitable for her infant. For those few health situations where infants cannot, or should not, be breastfed, the choice of the best alternative – expressed breast milk from an infant’s own mother, breast milk from a healthy wet-nurse or a human-milk bank, or a breast-milk substitute fed with a cup, which is a safer method than a feeding bottle and teat – depends on individual circumstances.19. For infants who do not receive breast milk, feeding with a suitable breast-milk substitute – for example an infant formula prepared in home-prepared formula with micronutrient supplements – should be demonstrated only by health workers, or other community workers if necessary, and only to the mothers and other family members who need to use it; and the information given should include adequate of inappropriate preparation and use. Infants who are not breastfed, for whatever reason, should receive special attention from accordance with applicable Codex Alimentarius standards, or a instructions for appropriate preparation and the health hazards the health and social welfare system since they constitute a risk group."

Other interesting articles:
The Deadly Influence of Formula in America Linda Folden Palmer, DC

http://www.babyreference.com/InfantDeaths.htm

Dangers of Formula
http://www.lactivist.com/dangform.html

Government Pressured by Formula Companies to 'Water Down'Breast-feeding Ads

http://www.organicconsumers.org/school/milk061004.cfm

Just sharing...

2005-11-06T07:42:00.000-05:00

I've decided to share my chart... (fertility chart of course ;) )
For those who have never charted this may not mean anything but for those who have they know what I mean... Right now I am in the 2 week wait of my first PPAF (post-partum "aunt flo")
It has been a long cycle and I am starting to get impatient... but at least my temps are up for now... we'll see in a few days whether they head back down or stay up...
For those interested.... here is my chart...

Breastmilk in the news....

2005-11-03T19:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I just check out what is happening in the news when it comes to one of my more passionate topics... breastfeeding...

Africa...
Anti-HIV agent found in breastmilk... this agent could also help prevent infection in adults

Canada
Mothers milk is high in Transfats... it is one of the highest sources of transfats found... Solution? A change in mothers diet can cut it out within days...

UK
A Hospital dealing with preemies is running low on their supply of donated breastmilk...

India
Hospital in Mumbai has set up a "Breast Milk Bank"

Norway
Experts now recommend that children be breastfed up to the age of two or three because of a range of health benefits

USA
Breastmilk causes more cavities then Cow milk... Tests in Rats... using Cola, honey etc... no saliva in rats... all of the substances left to "pool" in mouth... Breastmilk comes in second best after Cow milk... somewhere in the article it mentions that formula is equalto/less then breastmilk.. but of course breastmilk remains the culprit...
(don't they know that breastmilk DOESN'T pool in the mouth when baby falls asleep?!?!)

Breast feeding is often in the news... however... where are all the stories about the dangers of Formula...
I will never understand why someone would CHOOSE to give such a horrible substance to their child, something that clearly causes Cancer, Allergies, Digestive problems, Obesity, Diabeties and even Death... the WHO even states that Formula is only to be used as a last resort and is the 5th and last choice to Infant feeding...
I am tired of talking about how Breast is Best... Breast is the norm and the rest is inferior and dangerous and should only be used as a last resort after all other possibilies have been tried...
It is time that Formula gets into the news... It is time that the companies pay for all the crimes they have commited and all of the children they have killed....

Just a few things....

2005-11-03T12:43:00.000-05:00

The kids are napping at the same time!!! Yeah!!!
I finally have a few minutes for myself... I could catch up on some sleep, or do house work... but nah... I want to sit here and write a few minutes...

A little while ago I realized that the kids where watching way too much TV... I am sure it isn't as much as most kids but it was too much for me... We finally kicked the habit in a way that makes me happy... Xavier watches about 30 min (which is usually Little Bear) in the morning and then the TV is closed until I start making supper around 5-5:30 pm....
At first it was a bit hard for Xavier, he kept turning the TV back on but I just put it at either the Talk Radio station or the kids music station so that the TV was on but not for the picture but just the sound...
Though in a perfect world, TV wouldn't be part of their lives at all... I am OK with just a small bit and it being very age appropriate shows... I only let him watch Treehouse channel which is only pre-school oriented and commercial free...and his favorites right now are Little Bear and Max & Ruby....
I have seen a change in the way that he is playing since the TV is off though that makes me even more aware of why too much TV is not a good thing... But I think in moderation it can be OK....
---------
As for other habits that are changing in the house... I am slowly starting to clean the house mor in depth... I am a packrat... I admit it and I am now starting to work on it... slowly I am getting rid of 'stuff' that I just don't need and clutter that is just getting in the way... The more I do, the more I feel better but it isn't getting any easier...

Response to comment on the EC post...

2005-10-30T17:57:00.000-05:00

Kelly wrote this in the comments on the EC post...
"I think there is a huge distinction between Natural Family stuff and AP. There are folks out there who do both, but there are also lots of super AP folks who just don't care for the NF stuff."

I really need to respond... To me EC IS AP...

In itself I don't see diapering as a whole being part of AP though I do see Cloth diapers as being NP (Natural Parenting)

However... I see EC as being an extension of AP more then an NP practice.. (though it can be NP if you look at it simply as a diapering issue i.e... using less/no diapers at all)

To me EC is about my child communicating a basic need (to eliminate) and me being in tune enough to pick up on those cues and bring him to the potty... It is a relationship, such as breastfeeding is a response to hunger and comfort cues, EC is a response to elimination cues...

Though changing less to no diapers is a big plus of EC for me it is not the goal... it is the communication that occurs...

I think this is the point that doesn't get across to many people... it seems that they just see EC as being about early potty training... It is so much more!!!

Though I understand that it is not for everyone, and I don't think it needs to be necessary part of AP, I truly believe that EC is an AP practice and not NP...

What is it about EC that makes people freak out..

2005-10-29T18:32:00.000-04:00

With EC in the news lately I have been hearing a lot of negative comments...
First of all.. If you don't want to do it then don't do it!!
These people seem to think that EC kids are just eliminating all around the house and soiling everything... Don't they know that kids are intelligent and KNOW when they need to eliminate and when you use diapers you are teaching them to eliminate in their diaper and soil themselves??!! My 3 yo was a diaper baby.. Cotton and pampers all of the way... He didn't want to have anything to do with the toilet until just before he turned 3.. His toilet was the thing that he wore everywhere.. I taught him as a baby that he needed to eliminate in his diaper and it has been hard to get him to unlearn that habit!
Don't they know that many mom's use diapers as a backup and instead of changing a soiled diaper they just bring their child to the potty and then put the clean diaper back on... Why is it that people say that they don't have the time... Pottying means no messy clothes, no messy cleanups, no diaper rash, no fighting etc... It actually saves time...
Don't they know that there are some moms that use EC even though they work full time, are out of the house often, want to go out sometimes etc?... As with many things... a little can be better then none at all and at least the child knows both ways... As for leaving the house... There are many solutions and kids CAN hold it in!!! Do people not leave the house with their 4 years olds cause they might have to stop to go to the bathroom?
Colin has been EC'd since he was about 3 months old... Next time I am starting at birth... I have to admit that he was doing great until he started to walk and went on a major potty strike and lost the habit of telling us as often and then we lost the habit also... However, he didn't lose the feeling of going and everyday he is going potty more and more and can even go and sit on the potty by himself... and is using less and less diapers as the days go by....
I think the real reason that people speak so negatively about EC is that they are not/don't want to be that tuned in to their kids.. they want to use pampers that absorb 1000 times their weight in moisture because they don't want to be inconvenienced by changing a diaper often... (I have too many times seen moms that leave their kid in a poo soiled diaper because "they 'just' changed them") I think people are also jealous or feel guilty about not being tuned into their children's cues as much...
Some people use the argument that it is just the parent being 'trained'... If that is true then I we are also 'trained' to feed our children when they tell us they are hungry, 'trained' to bath them when they are dirty or 'trained' to comfort them when they are need comfort... (OH YEAH!!! they also probably don't agree with that either and need an object to do that for them too)

Transitional Objects...

2005-10-26T15:04:00.000-04:00

On an AP newsgroup that I read and participate on I had a little debate this morning… It was friendly, I don’t think any feelings where hurt on either side so there is no harm done… however, I feel the need to talk about the subject here on my blog…

A question was asked… Are AP’d kids less likely to need a “lovie”, pacifier etc… My first instinct is to say yes… however, 19 responses later revealed that many of the kids have transitional objects…

However, I still believe that AP kids are less likely to need them… First, Pacifiers…It seems that most people that answered that their kids are attached to pacifiers are the ones that didn’t breastfeed for whatever reason… (I will be addressing this in another post ;) ), a few kids had transitional object because of daycare and then a 2-3 others that had kids that picked up transitional objects for no reason other then they wanted it…. and then a few moms had kids that had no attachments to any object…

One woman then mentioned that she was talking to a “PH.D” friend of hers that told her that having a paci etc is not a burden but a ‘gift’… “the gift to ‘self-soothe’”… this is where the debate started (if you could even call it that)…
I'm in Blue she is in Red

As for the pp who talked about the importance of a transitional object because the child learns to 'self-soothe' I respectively don't agree... they are not 'self-soothing' they relying on an object to soothe them... Take away the object, you take away the 'ability'...

Also, I don't see the importance of 'self-soothing' until they are ready to do so, so I would rather them depend on me then on an object... I am also one of those that do not like Paci's... especially for a breastfed baby... I understand that some moms say they need them but in the year that I have been a breastfeeding counsellor I have seen too many cases of nipple confusion and low supply issues because of a paci... and personally I would rather be the paci for my kids...
I don't think that there is anything wrong with a transitional object... Personally, I don't like it but I do know that many kids really need it and it is a lifesaver for moms that can't be there all of the time... of kids that just really need them...

Self-soothing is a good thing at any age! I agree that the bink in the early weeks can interfere with BF and should be avoided.

I am confident I can soothe my child, but I am also confident not to feel guilty or less-AP if my baby can find comfort in his bink or his thumb.

Some babies and children get comfort orally -- no biggie. Others like the feel and touch of something. Also no biggie. Any child who can center themselves with the use of a transitional object is blessed with a gift -- and there is absolutely NO HARM in that gift unless it interferes with developmental progress, which is extremely rare.

Again.. I have see nothing wrong or un-AP with a child choosing a transitional object... and I don't see anything wrong with self-soothing at any age (if the child chooses to do it and is not forced to do it)
But, again, I don't see it as "Self-soothing" when there is a reliance on something (be it a person or an object)
So I personally wouldn't agree with the PHD friend of yours as seeing it as a gift... it is just another thing that the child will have to wean from... (which again is OK if done when they are ready to do it by themselves)
I guess the best way to explain what I mean is to say this...
I think that personality can bring some kids to seek a transitional object even if they are the most attached, AP'd child and any AP mom will recognize that need...
However, I also think that AP'd kids NEED less transitional objects because of the parenting style... KWIM?

I agree with almost everything but your last nine words.

I'd say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don't introduce them.

And I think we are just speaking past each other on the self-soothing. I define self soothing as being able to center oneself without the aid of another person, you seem to define it as centering without the aid of anything external. What is interesting about your definition is that I can't even do that [i/]. LOL!

In order to relax, I often need to have a drink of water, or a nice long hug from DH. Sometimes when I am tense at work I find myself chewing on the end of my pencil. These actions all "soothe" me. Indeed, I only know a few [i/] grown ups who can effectively self-soothe completely on their own without any external assistance. Those folks are rare and truly amazing people -- they tend not get to get ruffled by anything.

So I count the use of transitional objects and binks as a means of self-soothing. Most children will give up such objects/habits when they are ready to give them up -- sort of like child led weaning.

Personally I see self-soothing as a way of coping without relying on one fixed object (be it a paci, a bear or even mom)... and though I think that learning how to "self-soothe' is important later on in life... I don't emphasize the importance in infancy, babyhood, toddlerhood etc... Of course, again there are some children that will latch themselves on an object even if the parent is there... and I think that that can be part of a natural progression...
And, personally, IMO, I would rather be that 'object' then having something else...I think that kids need to have us to rely on so that we can in turn teach them how to soothe themselves.. KWIM?
Of course, as an adult I too have things to help me cope and "self-soothe", DH, hot bath, a cup of tea, music etc...
I also don't see anything wrong in having someone to help you soothe as an adult as long as you have those skills in place...
I'd say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don't introduce them.

I agree... BUT, It's not like AP moms keep all teddy bears, blankets etc away from their kids...if a child wants or needs a transitional object they WILL find one..and an AP mom won't take it away but nurture that need...
however, I do think that AP kids need them less...

I guess we'll have to agree on disagreeing

Anyways… I really don’t think that there is anything wrong with having a transitional object as long as it is not because there is a lack of parental attachment, and I think that the need comes up less in AP kids then in non-AP’d kids... I also think that those that do choose an object for themselves often do it later on and it is truly a ‘transitional” object to help them on their own path to independence.
I even have to admit that both boys do have Teddies (well an Owl and a mouse) that we gave them with the hope that they would become favorites… however, neither of them did…both do like their blankets that they sleep with every night but they are not missed if they are not there…

so what do you think?
Do AP'd kids NEED lovies paci's etc as much as non-AP'd kids?

New pics on Flickr....

2005-10-25T19:45:00.000-04:00

Come see :)

CLSC visit and other babywearing stuff...

2005-10-25T15:38:00.000-04:00

I went to the CLSC today to give information of Babywearing to the Nurses Committee... It was cool... I was a bit nervous but they were a great bunch and really made me fell good about being there... It was fun cause they were all ears, full of questions and loved every minute of it..
every single one of the nurses there was completely in awe with the carriers... there wasn't even one that talked about anything negative... It was really great... All of the nurses are incolved with new moms on a daily basis so I really have my foot in the door now in the community...
I printed up some sheets on the Advantages of babywearing and gave them all a copy and I was even asked if they could pass along copies to moms so I know that I am going to get more calls soon..
What was really cool was that I told them of how I started babywearing, how much I love it and the primary reason that I want to share is because it is something that means so much to me... When one of the nurses asked where to buy them I then told them that I was the one that sells them in the region... and they all wanted to get my contact...
So each nurse is now armed with a buisness card, info on why mom's should wear their babies and with a basic knowledge of the different kids of carriers... (pouch, wrap, sling)

I was also asked last week about presenting babywearing to a group of soon-to-be new moms at the Carrefour on Thursday... and I met the nurse that I will be doing that with...

_____

On another note... I have been demonstrating with my Ellaroo and my Maya wrap lately... though I was only selling Maman Kangouroo stuff... However, so many moms love my ellaroo and my Maya wrap and asked about getting them...
A while back I got info about selling Ellaroo and finally got back in touch with the company... They now distribute a few Traditional carriers so I if I deal with them I can get my Maman Kangouroo wraps, slings and pouches, Maya wrap sling and pouch and Ellaroo wraps all from the same place from inside Quebec... so no border fees or exchange...
So I am now offering all three companies....

I am getting excited.... this is finally starting to really take off...

Just in yesterday.. a pic taken at the LLL conference back in June

2005-10-21T13:26:00.000-04:00

the news...

2005-10-21T12:49:00.000-04:00

I have not been effected so much by the news in a long time as I was last night... the story of the mom throwing her 3 kids off of a pier into the chilly Ocean waters just made me sick to me stomach.... I have heard other stories in the past about similar incidents but this one just got to me...
How can people be so cruel to innocent children... It makes me want to disappear into my own world even more...
I can't even say more...

French/english school...

2005-10-18T10:25:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I went to Xavier's daycare because it was their picture day and it wasn't a day that he goes to daycare...
While I was waiting a mom there heard me speak in English to Xavier and asked me if I was going to send him to "Harold Sheppard" the only english school in the region... I told her that I didn't think so because I didn't hear good things about it ... and just before I told her that I was going to be homeschooling anyways she told me how she had heard that it was a great school and that is why she is sending her kids there... I told her about what I had heard....It is an English school in which the teachers are french, french is spoken in the school and the level of english is seemingly appalling... She interupted me again saying that she didn't find that and she even had to fight with the teachers to speak french with her daughter because her daughter didn't know a word of english and it wasn't fair for her, and that she even though of taking her out of the school because she is there to learn english, "afterall we are in Quebec" so they should speak french.... ARGGGHHHH ...
First I I looked at this mom like she had a second head... and then I couldn't help it... So I told her... See, THAT's why I don't want to send me kids there... when there are is large majority of the kids that don't speak english at all, never have and then the parents tell the teachers to speak in french also, I can't imagine the level of english is near standard, and if the kids are just learning how to speak english the entire time, when do they learn all of the other stuff?... I then told her that I was going to homeschool anyways...
It is an ENGLISH SCHOOL!!! I understand that people want their kids to learn english but why does it have to sacrifice education... I called the school yesterday after this incident and asked them about their school... yes most of the teachers are bilingual but with french as their first language and out of the 80 families that have kids in the school only 3 are english...
I am glad that I am going to Homeschool... I have always wanted it and more and more there is no other alternative...

A "Duh" Moment...

2005-10-17T11:15:00.000-04:00

A friend of mine lent us a laptop quite a while ago... the battery is dead so we can't use it on the go but yesterday I had a 'Duh' (slap the forehead) moment... I can still use it to write texts while plugged!!
So I am working on a few posts that I have been meaning to write but don't have the time to do so cause in the day I am with the kids and at nightI am on the computer after supper but then Simon gets the computer... but now I will be able to write too.... So now there are quite a few posts that I have planned and a few more things that I have been thinking about....
Thanks D... ;)

My first loaf of sourdough....

2005-10-15T17:24:00.000-04:00

Today I made my first loaf of sourdough bread with the starter that I was given yesterday... It is amazing... I don't think I could ever go back to store bought bread ever again...
A little while back I choose to really go towards whole foods. I have always wanted this and now I feel like I have reached the point that it is now a habit and a good one... I did crave things at the beginning but that has past and now I think about certain processed foods and it turns my stomach...
I am proud of what I am feeding my family now and I don't feel guilty at all when we go for fast food once in a while....
Another thing is that I have always been very sensitive to smells and I am very sensetive to the smeel of someones house... Now, I am also proud of the smell of my house, it smells inviting and warm, today it smells like fresh baked bread and fresh baked Apple Crumble... what cuold be more inviting!

Building my Village....

2005-10-14T15:59:00.000-04:00

One of the moms that I volunteer with (breastfeeding peer councelor) wanted to buy a wrap from me so I went to see her today... I really didn't think that I would be there long... I have only seen her a handful of times and only within the group setting.. I didn't even really know her name but I did know that she was mom of 5 kids and is due with#6 in 2-3 weeks.. So, I decided this morning when I got up that I was going to make her a loaf of bread....
I got to her house and was enthralled... her home is a dream home for me... a century old home at the end of a long lane filled with trees (all golden at the moment) Her front yard is full of trees and looks over the playground of the school that her kids attend... litterally the playground of the shcool is the front yard of the house.. on the side of the house is a barn and in back a yard full of trees, a playground of their own and they even have rabbits and I think they have chickens (not sure about that one though)...
I went in a handed her the bread and I knew that I had made a new friend.... we started talking and she is an amazing woman and an amazing mom.... Her oldest (a girl) is almost 12, then 3 boys (10,8,6) and a wild haired 3 yo daughter.... We talked over tea and continued talking until her kids came home for lunch and I got to meet them all... then we kept on talking until it was time for me to leave... It was amazing to see Colin with all of the other kids... he dealt with her 3 yo like he deals with his brother but when the other kids cam in he was in love! The 12 year old adopted him for the hour she was home and Colin started to go to her to get picked up.... he even snuggled into her shoulder as she walked with him....
I think that this a friend that I would love to get to know even more... we share many of the same values and it was just fun....
She and the kids loved the bread and I left with some sourdough starter from the bread that shee makes...

Colin slept through the night and other things....

2005-10-13T11:09:00.000-04:00

The last two nights I have been away from the house... Tuesday was the Babywearing class, it went pretty well but there was only two people... They did bring their kids though and got to try on the slings and wraps and everything so that was fun... One mom bought a wrap right away, the other is going to call me if she needs one...
Yesterday I went to Isabelle's house and spent the day with her and the kids... it was nice... I always have fun when I go there and I just feel comfortable... There is no akward moments etc... just relaxing....
Last night I went to a volunteer meeting that happens about every six weeks... it is to touch base with the other volunteers, get the latest news and get suggestions for cases that we might need help on...
Both nights I left the kids with Simon and though Xavier still won't go to sleep until I am home Colin gets to sleep easily by just sitting on Simon... Before when this would happen, Colin would wake up at about 10-11 to nurse but lately he has been skipping that nursing session and that has even extended to nights that he hasn't been nursed to sleep it seems... Tuesday he woke up at about 2 am to nurse and then this morning at 5am (when Simon got up to go to work) Colin was still sleeping... Simon came to me and told me that Colin was still in his bed and it was 5am... I just looked at him and said 'Cool... that's why I'm leaking!'.... So Simon went to get Colin and brought him into our bed where he slept until about 6:30....
As much as I want this to last, I am going to miss having him in our bed... I like the arrangement that we have though that the kids start off in their own beds... I like falling asleep next to Simon and I like falling asleep with my breast tucked away... but I also love turning over in the middle of the night and feeling the soft skin of my boys...
Sleeping through the night can be a bitter-sweet moment....

Tonight...

2005-10-11T14:52:00.000-04:00

I'm giving my first baby wearing class... Finally there are going to be 4 people...
It's not much but it is a start... I am all ready!

Next visitor is the 1000th Visitor!

2005-10-09T19:27:00.000-04:00

Cool!
Thanks to everyone who reads my Blog!

Xavier is gone for the night....

2005-10-08T19:12:00.000-04:00

Xavier is spending the night at my mom's tonight... this is the first time that he has stayed the night with mom just for the enjoyment of doing so... He spent the night the night after Colin was born because we were at the birthing center and we had no idea how the night would go and we were exausted.. and then 2 1/2 weeks later he spent the night again when Colin was in the hospital for 5 days and I stayed there the whole time so Simon was alone with Xavier and needed a little break for night....but besides that he has never slept away...
So, I just drove and hour to Montreal and dropped him off at my mom's... they are going to have a sleepover and then Tomorrow she is bringing him to Disney on Ice: 100 years of Magic... I think he is going to have so much fun... and he was excited to see Woody and Buzz for 'real'.... it is just weird though that he is starting to have his own life and experiences without me... I feel a bit left out, but I also am proud that he becoming such a "big boy"...
On the way back home I saw a hitchhiker and I thought she looked really interesting and thought about stopping but it wasn't a good place to stop... I thought about her a few more times on the road... about half way home I saw her again and decided to stop... It isn't something that I have ever done but she just reminded me on two people that I really love... I was right.. she is a organic farmer, working at apple picking while she is on unemployment and was on the way to a poetry festival.... We had a nice conversation and I drove a little further to get her to the ferry so that she could get to where she was going in time....
I hitchiked a lot as a little girl with my mom and there is something about it that I remember... there was always a great conversation...

What peanuts chartacter are you?

2005-10-08T19:10:00.000-04:00

Who are you?

Just a few words can mean so much....

2005-10-04T11:45:00.000-04:00

I did alot of things with the kids yesterday and was feeling bad about not doing any housework... but Simon said something that made me even more proud to be his wife....
"In two years it won't matter if you cleaned or not, it will matter that you spent time with the kids"
Now that is a great husband and Father!

A major turn around....

2005-10-03T19:11:00.000-04:00

Wow...
About 2 weeks ago we went on a nature walk with the boys... (I mentioned it here) When we left Xavier had a mega-tantrum... he didn't want to come home, he cried the whole way home, made a big scene and when we got home it was even worse... He was just completely out of whack... I sat down to nurse Colin and he got really upset and was trying to pry Colin off the breast and I just lost it and brought him to his room and closed the door... telling him that he couldn't come out until he was calm.... A lot of things, not only that day had led me up this point... Everyday it was becoming a struggle with him.. I would bring him to the park and I had to drag him home kicking and screaming, I said no, or in a minute, or after and he would demand "NO!! NOW!!!! WHAAAAA!!!.... this had been going on for quite while and we just didn't know how to deal with it... and That day I just had it.... I couldn't deal with it anymore.... So I put him in his room, on his bed. He got up, I didn't say a word and brought him back, he did it again, So did I.... Finally, he stayed on his bed and I went to sit down in the livingroom, and nurse Colin who was also crying because he was tired and hungry and wanted to nurse. I sat down, nursed Colin breathed and about 7-8 minutes later I got up, gave Colin a toy to keep him occupied and went to talk to Xavier... I sat down on the floor face to face with him....I talked to him like he was an adult, I needed to get some things out... I needed to tell him how I felt... It really felt weird talking to Xavier like that...
I told him how I didn't like how he always demanded things, I told him that I was tired of the tantrums, I told him that I needed him to appreciate the things we give him and the things we do with him and be happy with that... I told him that I loved him and that I loved doing things with him but I couldn't deal with the whining and the tantrums anymore.... He said Sorry.... I said Sorry.... We hugged each other for a minute and got up to continue with our day...
Since that day, since that conversation I have a little boy that is a pleasure to be with... there is no longer a fight to sit at the dinner table (we don't care if he eats or not but we want him to sit with us) However, not only is there no longer a fight, he actually eats more. When we go somewhere like the park or a walk there are no more fights when it is time to come home, when we go anywhere (swimming, shopping etc) he listens to us and it has been a pleasure going with him because of it... He actually Thanks me now for bringing him somewhere and seems to appreciate it now... and it makes me want to bring him everywhere now!
The remarkable thing though is that his vocabulary has evolved in the last few weeks... he has never been a big talker, he did talk but not really complete sentences... it was different... Now he talks in ways that I just couldn't imagine...
Since that day we both have had a major turn around.... I am doing more and more things with the kids because it is no longer a struggle and all of us are having much more fun.....

I stuck my neck out!

2005-09-30T10:17:00.000-04:00

And it didn't get chopped off!!!!

I wrote a post on an AP board saying basically what I said in my last log here and it was actually welcomed with open arms by many people (especially the "old timers"that were leaving for the same reasons)... Today the board is actually different, the posts are more positive and the answers are no longer just to please but are based on AP thought, Not everyone is happy of course because a lot of people that consider themselves AP but use CIO etc are no longer free to rule the board, The advice that come "types" of CIO are OK blah blah blah will no longer be tolerated anymore......and the thing is... I really don't care what they think... It is an AP board and somethings just don't belong!
The AP moms are finally finding their voices again..
You can read the thread here...

New Trend in AP?

2005-09-28T13:28:00.000-04:00

I go on a few message boards once in a while and I do not like what I am seeing. AP is taking a shift towards the mainstream within the boards and therefore I am shifting more and more away from the term.
The problem that I see is that when I discovered the AP philosophy it was about breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, natural birth etc being tools to help a mother bond and get ‘attached’… CIO was a no-no and couldn’t be part of being AP…the people were also more into natural parenting… …
The trend however has been leaning towards a new and more open view of AP. It seems that the new AP parent can forgo all of the tools of Attachment Parenting and even use CIO… it seems that the definition of listening to your child and responding to it’s needs now include the ‘need’ for a baby to learn how to fall asleep by himself, the ‘need’ for a baby to learn how to self-soothe and the need for the child to adhere to the parents way of life.
This new form of AP is very disturbing to me and I can’t relate. It makes me mad when someone asks for advice from AP moms (or people that call themselves AP) and gets a response that talks about CIO and how it isn’t that bad and how it works. They don’t agree with extinction CIO (when you leave baby CIO until they fall asleep and it can take hours) but they talk about Ferber (intervals of 5, 10, 15 min etc) or the Sleep-Lady (CIO with Parent in the room just ignoring the child)

For me this is a good definition of what AP is…
Attachment Parenting Principles:The basic components of a nurturing, instinctive parenting style....
Being informed about your birth options. Educating yourself about the birthing process and planning for a birth that is intervention free as possible.
Forming an early connection to your child, using the initial hours after birth to bond and having your baby "room in" with you after a hospital birth rather than in the nursery. (I need to add that Home Births hsould also be an ideal *paxye)
Responding quickly to your baby's cries and knowing that you can't "spoil" her by feeding and holding her whenever she needs you to.
Breastfeeding exclusively and on baby's cue for at least 6 months followed by the introduction of solids when your child is ready combined with continued nursing.
Child led weaning: knowing that it is natural and normal for children to breastfeed for well over one (TWO *paxye) years.
Wearing your baby in a sling.
Using gentle discipline techniques. Knowing the difference between discipline and punishment and avoiding physical or shame-inducing punishment. Being authoritative rather than authoritarian or overly permissive.
You allow and encourage your child to share sleep with you. Realizing that your child needs do not desist at sunset and that nurturing is important around the clock, you willingly accept that for this season of your life, your "marital bed" should be your family bed.
Learning, understanding and following your childs cues. Knowing that your child has his own schedule for physical, emotional and social development, toilet learning and indepedence issues rather than trying to force him into an "expected" time frame. (IPT or EC should also be an IDEAL * paxye)
Believing that by meeting your childs needs during infancy and toddlerhood you are encouraging the development of a healthy, happy, independent person.
You are flexible and realize that what worked last week might not work this week, and that what works for one child may not work for another. You are willing to educate yourself about parenting and make the extra effort that your children are worth.
You don't fall for the "quality time" myth. You recognize that real quality time consists of more time (spent cuddling, reading, playing, learning or just being together) not short frantic bursts of "fun" activities.
Upon finding find out you are pregnant with your second child, you don't even set up a crib, you start shopping for a king sized bed. You decide to give tandem nursing a try instead of weaning your nursing toddler.
You make time with your children a priority, regardless of material sacrifices that might have to be made. Obviously, single parents have to work, and there are other families that truly need two incomes. But you recognize that nurturing is of vast importance in your child's early years and that day care, while it may be adequate, is not as beneficial to your child as you are.
You know who Ezzo, and Ferber are and they make you at least slightly queasy.
You avoid the typical mother substitutes that are so prevelant in our society from the seemingly benign: Blankies and "lovies" (when used as a substitute for your presence) cribs, playpens, and pacifiers to the patently absurd: teddy bears with heartbeats, cribs that simulate womb movement, bottle holders (if you are doing any bottle feeds).
The premise that fully nurturing your children is considered by many to be the antithesis of feminism infuriates you, and you won't buy into that belief system. If you are female, you are proud to be a stay at home mother and consider it the most important thing you could possibly doing right now. You want to raise your children yourself, not hand them over to someone else to do the job.
Moving Beyond The Basics: Taking attachment to the next level......
You plan for a home birth (or perhaps a birthing center) with a midwife.
You are considering, or are at least open to the possibility, of home-schooling or un-schooling.
You educate yourself about circumcision and choose not to make your male children suffer through the pain and trauma of the procedure without a very good reason.
You vaccinate your kids because you have made an informed decision, not just because it's what you are "supposed" to do. Just for the record: we did choose to vaccinate...for a variety of reasons.
You don't allow violent toys and entertainment in your home. Creative toys and play reign.
You restrict the amount of television that your child watches, perhaps you don't even own one.
http://www.parentingweb.com/ap/ap_info.htm

about a friendship...

2005-09-24T20:00:00.000-04:00

I made a friend a little while back and we hit it off right away... we don't see each other often because of all different kinds of circumstances but we both really want to... It makes me realize though when we talk that I really miss having a close friend. I haven't had a great mutual friendship in a long time. Sure, there are people that I love to talk to, that I love to get together with but we are not at the same place in our lives, and it just isn't the same. With this new friend however, we have the same goals, the same ideologies (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, positive parenting, whole foods etc) and we just hit it off from the moment that we met... she is someone that I know will never judge me and she is someone that I miss when we go without talking for a while. And the great thing is that she calls me too and she also really shows me that she feels the same...
I often think about moving back to BC but today when I thought about it I realized how much she meant to me because it pained me to think that moving away would mean putting this friendship on hold...
Isn't a friendship powerful....

Xavier's just too weird sometimes....

2005-09-21T18:52:00.000-04:00

Xavier is my first born and my little "weirdo"... He is just not like other kids...
As a newborn he was quiet, almost never crying, he was an angel until he was about 18 months old.. I could bring him anywhere and I did bring him everywhere without a peep... The only thing though was that he never fit into groups that I brought him to... he would nurse when he needed to but wasn't a big comfort nurser, he would eat and would use a spoon or fork almost immediately and he wouldn't get dirty... (I remember him just before he turned two and he was eating a piece of watermelon and would wipe himself after each bite)
At about 7-8 months old we joined a Mother Goose program... He hated it, he hated when people sang and he hated doing things with the others... We also where in Mom-tot groups that brought the same results... He was and still is a "loner"... It is OK, and I understand that that is who he is but I find it sad that he never wants to play with others and he still doesn't play well with others especially if he is put in a situation that he needs to do so (like at daycare)...
Xavier also matured very early, he understands things so well but didn't talk until quite later on.... He loves to play alone, doesn't like playing games, will pretend but rarely does so if he thinks you are watching...
Toys like the tupperware ball, Stacking rings, stacking cups and all of those really never interested him until he was fully aware that he could do them... He doesn't like trying new things unless he knows that he has the capacity to accomplish it...
For his first full three years he refused to look at a book with us, now however he is catching up and reads with us everyday... He still hates when we sing though... NO ONE is allowed to sing to him, though I can get around it by saying that I am singing to Colin now....
It's true though that he also stopped growling at the TV whenever there was a song (or just shutting the TV off) and now actually listens but only if we don't let him know that we know that he is watching it... Though at the moment the kids are in the bath and Simon put the Lollipop song on and is making them laugh...
He also never really danced until recently and even then he will only do so by Turning around once or twice and then growl and go hide....
Xavier also has the best memory I can imagine... He knows characters be their names (star wars toys etc), he knows songs and what shows they come from, he can often recognize words (yet doesn't know his letters)
So why do I think he is weird today...
I went on a nature walk with the boys... Xavier doesn't leave the path at all and won't walk ahead or behind me.. He holds a walking stick but won't touch anything also cause he doesn't want to get dirty... Along the path I decided to try to sing a song...
Here's the conversation...
Me: Xavier repeat after me OK... (he know what repeat is)
Xavier: OK Mama
Me: We're going on a bear hunt
Xavier: We're going... Where's the bear?
Me: It's a song that talks about a bear... so repeat after me... We're going on a bear hunt..
Xavier... Where's the bear?
Me: (continuing the song) we got the tall grass... do we go around it? No...
Xavier: No...
Me: Do we go over it?... No...
Xavier No...
Me: Do we go through it?
Xavier: Mama?
Me: Yes Xavier?
Xavier: Where's the Bear?

LOL.... Just gotta love the press sometimes!!

2005-09-19T18:41:00.000-04:00

Of course I had to check out if it was real or not and Yep! it is...
(In all senses! of course ;) )
http://www.snopes.com/katrina/photos/disaster.asp

Thanks Sara for opening my eyes a bit wider....

2005-09-15T22:32:00.000-04:00

I was just reading something that a fellow blogger (Sara) wrote that just makes me want rant! In agreement with her of course!

I feel physically sick when I see how the maintsream is raising their babies and then I just want to scream when things go wrong later on... These new generations have explanitions for everything and believe that they are invisible yet take responsability for nothing. The make their kids grow up too fast, force them "self-soothe" , make them supress their feelings, overschedule, over push, over medicate, nutritionally deprive them (through formula, processed foods, lack of vegetables etc) , give them everything material but not emotional, and make them have priorities that are not appropriate for their age and then wonder why they have emotional problems later on it life.

I am made to feel like a freak because I do thing that are not seen as 'normal' I breastfeed, co-sleep, wear my baby because I love to do it, I use cloth diapers and practice Elimination Communication, I don't vaccinate and I won't be sending my kids to school.. I get comments that imply that I am hurting my kids, I get comments that imply that I have no problems with my kids, I have comments that imply that I love being every second with my kids and imply that I am just lucky... I work so hard to be such a parent in the society that I live and I feel that I am not allowed to complain without being told to take the "easy" way out... and because I don't complain because I don't want to rejustify everything over and over again.
I am set apart from other moms because they always feel the need to justify why they chose to do something when they are with me.
I can't talk about the joys of breastfeeding because they will feel guilty and then expain why they couldn't for the 100th time even if their reason is crap and they know it, and if I complain about the times that I feel touched out their only solution is to wean and then get into a whole talk about how formula isn't that bad and they survived and their kids survived... I can't talk about Xavier's nursing habits without being told that he is way too old to nurse...
I can't talk about how Xavier crowds the bed some nights and my back hurts because I will just get the speech about it being important for him to be in his own bed... I can't talk about Colin nursing at night without someone telling me to just let him CIO and that it is the best solution and it just needs to be done...

I want to leave this city, I want to go live in a commune or somewhere where I will have a community life. I want to live in the mountains again, I want to get rid of "stuff" and live with the basics, I want to peel potatoes with a friend, and sit down and chat over tea, I want to garden and teach and not always be alone...
I want to live in a world where I can finally be myself without constant justification...

I need 5 people for my class..

2005-09-14T13:49:00.000-04:00

Now I need 4! Yahoo!!!
I just got a call from a soon to be new mom asking about prices and I told her about the class that I am going to be giving and she said that it sounds great and that she is going to call to give her name...
I am getting really excited about this... I have only sold one to date but I think that the word will soon get out more and the more people that use them in public the more that people will want one... We don't have a big town and everyone startes and asks questions about them when we are out so I know that people are interested....

A few new pics....

2005-09-13T11:43:00.000-04:00

Colin

2005-09-13T11:42:00.000-04:00

Finally a great pic of Xavier!

2005-09-13T11:39:00.003-04:00

"Colin le Coquin"

2005-09-13T11:39:00.002-04:00

Colin

2005-09-13T11:39:00.001-04:00

Peek-a-boo

2005-09-13T11:39:00.000-04:00

Colin and Sparky

I am going to be giving my first Babywearing class!!

2005-09-13T11:20:00.000-04:00

I got word the other day that everything was OK to give a babywearing class at a local org.... I talked with the director the other day about when I was available and we set a date... I thought she was just going to put an add up in the center but she will be doing that and she sent out a newsletter with all the fall activities and such and it was on it too... I can't believe that it is so official (in writing and everything LOL) Anyways.. There needs to be a minimum of 5 inscriptions for it to go ahead so it is not certain yet but it is pretty close!

I want to write a book!

2005-09-09T09:27:00.000-04:00

I have been wanting to write a children's book for a long time now and I really want to do it now... Those who read this message that have beautiful pics that they love with them nursing and would like them maybe included I would love to see them...
I want to do an AP kids book that has things like Co-sleeping, Breastfeeding (and Tandeming), Babywearing etc... and maybe even EC....

Anyways... just e-mail me paxyebelle@gmail.com ...

Just a sweet pic....

2005-09-07T22:29:00.000-04:00

My sweet baby is one...., originally uploaded by paxye.

about Katrina...

2005-09-07T08:09:00.000-04:00

The whole Katrina disaster makes me mad… I can understand the storm but it is what happened after that makes me mad....I can’t believe how much disregard for human life is being seen… even now.. a week later... The stories are heart wrenching and I really can’t imagine what it was like to be in those conditions…
I also can’t imagine what reasons could be good enough to explain why it took so long for help to come to those people… Why did people go so long without food and Water?
There are so many things that tick me off… One thing is that the whole thing seems to have such a harsh underlying racial aspect that I just can’t ignore and to what I have seen the media can’t even ignore…
Of course breastfeeding came to my mind…. I may be looked down upon for thinking this but why the heck where babies starving to death and dying of thirst… I can’t help but put the blame on the Formula companies and society in general for this… People in our culture feel like they are so immune to not having the basics like drinking water that they don’t even give a second thought… There were children born during the days after the hurricane or during the hurricane and they were talking about how scared they were of running out of formula… not even desperate times can make them change their views…
I cried when I saw a small 10 day old baby limp and needing nourishment… For sure the mom still had a bit of milk or could relactate… did she try?
Of course the Formula companies come off as heroes when they send trucks of baby formula… but they are the reason why the babies where starving in the first place…
A woman can make milk even in dire situations and though it is true that she needs to replenish herself the amount of water that it takes to feed two (her and the baby) can be given to her alone and both would survive and even better, the baby will have a clean source of milk complete with antibodies and even agents that work against diarrhoea (therefore they run less risk of getting even more dehydrated)
I really don’t want to come off as sending an “I told you so” message I just think that in the light of such disasters I really hope that in the future people can see that there are further risks to Formula feeding and that this is the exact reason why Nestle is seen as such evil in parts of the world that have children dying everyday because formula was brought in but there is no clean water supply….

Breathing is good...

2005-09-06T17:48:00.000-04:00

OK… I can now breathe again…
The party went over quite well and everyone seemed to be happy… and at this point if they where not then I really don’t give a hoot…
I made my cone cupcakes instead of getting a cake and they were a hit so I think I am going to do the same from now on… They are easy to make, everyone loves them, they are cheap and they just look cool! (of course the question always comes up... don't the cones Burn in the oven?)

Ughhh...

2005-08-29T11:47:00.000-04:00

Allergies or a cold I have no idea but I feel miserable...
My rose is running, my throat is scratchy, my eyes are gucky, my ears are ichy and I just have no energy at all...
Simon worked during the night last night and got home at about 8 this morning and is sleeping but Xavier doesn't want to leave his side... I got Simon to go sleep in on the bed in the playroom so that Xavier can play and watch a movie while being near his dad...
Colin has been really fussy these last few days and doesn't want to be a foot away from us... I have been wearing him alot but I don't feel too good...

This week is going to be very busy...We wanted to get tons of things done this weekend so that the house would be clean and easy to maintain until next weekend.. (Colin will be a year on Friday and we are having a Party on Sat) There will be a few people here which I don't mind... the thing that makes me a little queasy though is that there will be a few family members here (my mom's side) and they are very critical people and everything has to be perfect... So anyways... I have alot of things to do before Saturday...
Tomorrow during the day Xavier is going to be in Daycare so I will have a bit of time to do a few things but I am giving a pre-natal tomorrow night, then on Wednesday I have a meeting with my fellow breastfeeding councelors, then on Thursday I have a doctors appt for me and Colin in Montreal... Friday Somin is taking off from work though so that we can get things done around the house and Xavier will be in Daycare so hopefully that will work out...

Anyways... today is an Ughh day...

Now this is amazing!

2005-08-28T16:51:00.000-04:00

Simon got an E-mail about this guy who does 3D street art and WOW... This guy is amazing! Look at these!!!

http://www.rense.com/general67/street.htm

I got my first order in today!

2005-08-24T11:18:00.000-04:00

I made my first Order on Monday and got it today and I put adds up
everywhere yesterday... Of course in my order I needed to add things for myself
so that I can know the product... So I got my first stretchy wrap and my first
pouch and I love them!!! YEAH.. Colin's feet will never hit the ground again
LOL!!!!

So now I have in my Baby wearing Library..

Ellaroo Wrap

Maya Wrap (ring sling)

2 homemade ring slings

2 Pouches (one cotton, one fleece)

1 Stretchy Wrap

2 homemade cotton wraps

Deuter Kid Comfort II (Frame BackPack)

The only problem is that Colin is starting to get bigger (he'll be a year next
week) so I guess I'll have to make another Baby to keep on wearing ;) LOL

Quiet but Eventful weekend...

2005-08-21T22:30:00.000-04:00

We stayed home this weekend and cleaned the house and just hung out with the kids... It was a pretty quiet weekend, It rained most of the weekend anyways so it felt good to stay in... This morning I went down stairs to check the garden and left the kids in the house with Simon... I forgot to close the gate behind me cause I was sure that they would stay inside but Simon came out to talk to me and Colin and Xavier followed... Of course Colin headed straight for the stairs (6 Concrete stairs) and all we saw was the little body at the top disapear... I got to him within a second of the fall and held him close and brought him inside... My hands felt all over him to make sure he was OK and Xavier just kept on telling me that Colin wanted Maju (to nurse) and I promptly gave Comin the breast while I kept on examining him... Besides a a little red scape on his shoulder we couldn't find anything else wrong and within a minute or two he was up and walking and back to his old self... This kid is Resiliant! After Supper tonight we went to a park on the Water side and took some pics and had fun...

2005-08-21T22:28:00.000-04:00

Colin and I

2005-08-21T22:27:00.001-04:00

Walking along

2005-08-21T22:27:00.000-04:00

Silouhettes

2005-08-21T22:26:00.002-04:00

Watching the Sky

2005-08-21T22:26:00.001-04:00

My beautiful boys...

2005-08-21T22:26:00.000-04:00

Look!

2005-08-21T22:25:00.002-04:00

What's over there Mama?

2005-08-21T22:25:00.001-04:00

Colin and I

Two funny little tidbits....

2005-08-20T10:11:00.000-04:00

About Colin:

A few months ago when Colin was 100% in the "everything needs to be tasted"
phase a funny little thing happened...

I was at the Computer and Colin was just crawling around being Colin and found
the Cord for Simon's iPod and started sucking it... within seconds I realized
what he was doing but only when I noticed
pop up on the Computer... ;)

------------------------------------------------

About Xavier:
(this morning)

Xavier: Oh my God!
Simon: Xavier, What's God?
Xavier: Star Wars!

--------

and of course this pic is a classic....

Mr. Christie you make good Music!

WW Meeting...

2005-08-15T22:04:00.000-04:00

I went to a WW meeting today and got my new startup material... They got english copies just for me ;)
I would love to keep going but money is really tight at the moment and it costs 14$ a week...
I want to go for support but I saw the fgroup and I don't know if I would get much real support... but the main reason is that I feel the need to keep on track to see a real weight difference at the weigh-in each week... It feels more official and I don't like seeing the scale go up so I am motivated to keep going down...
I guess I could make my self accountable for the weight loss each week by myself though.... I think I will just try to find a place online that I can get support and be able to get excited by weighing in...
Anyways... I have a coupon left from a few years ago that I can use so I think I am going to go at least next week...
We'll see after that....

I am speechless....

2005-08-11T14:56:00.000-04:00

This is more than my brain can handle!

Chandler breast-feeding policy includes criminal charges for violators

I mean WHAT!!!! I.... I.... I....

speechless....

And the times they are a changin'.....

2005-08-10T15:59:00.000-04:00

I have always loved whole foods, I have always loved eating in a healthy manner but I have never acted on it 100% in my daily life...
I know that it is the best thing for me and my family so now I am giving up the convenience (well most of it) and going to make whole foods completely a part of our life and eating habits and I am starting today...
I no longer want the convienence foods in my house, I want to cook more from "scratch", I want to eat more grains and seeds, Eat more veggies and fruit, I want to cook mostly vegetarian meals (though I am not planning on becoming a vegetarian), I want to eat more fish, I want to eat less products with refined sugars etc...
Most of all... I want to improve my health, my well being, I want to teach my kids how to eat... and another motivation.... I also want to save money!

Tonights Menu...
Homemade Vege-Pate on Whole Grain Organic Bread and a Salad with a roasted Sesame dressing... Sounds yummy huh?!!!!!

World Breastfeeding Week

2005-08-06T23:21:00.000-04:00

What can I say... there is nothing comparable to Breastmilk and couldn't Imagine not breastfeeding the boys...
I don't know if I would have believed someone if they told me that I would be Tandem nursing a 3 yo and an almost 1 year old but I wouldn't have it different now!

I was not breasfed and it does make me sad, I feel like I missed out on something..
For World Breastfeeding Week I send out my best wishes to everyone that is breastfeeding or has breastfed...

My hopes for the Future:

That Breastfeeding will become the norm
That Formula companies will be made to back off
That all women that want to Breastfeed will get the support they need
That Doctors and Nurses will become informed and less ignorant
That Breastfeeding will no longer be seen as "gross"
That NIP will be a norm and will no longer be a Taboo
That Formula would only be availible to those who can't Breastfeed
That People that have something mean to say would just not say it
That Breastfeeding won't be blamed for everything anymore (Colic etc)

Here are my Medals that I wear Proudly!
Sapphire (3 Years) / Gold (1 Year) (Colin is a bit more then 11 months but I believe I deserve the 1 year one) and the Purple Medal is for the rough Start I had with Colin

About weight part 2

2005-08-06T19:17:00.000-04:00

This is a followup to my last post about my weight...
On my birthday I decided that I was going to really try to get back into shape and lose weight again.. I know I can do it because I did it before... So on Wednesday the 27th of July I weighed my self and was shocked to see 240.... about 10 pounds higher then I thought and about 15 pounds higher then my weight before I got pregnant with Colin.
I started to journal what I ate and watched my portions and counted my points... still confused on how many I really need because of the tandem nursing.... Anyways... in one week I lost 6 pounds! I love the first week because losing the water weight just makes you fell like you are actually doing something good and seing it on the scale just makes you want to continue....
However... I need support and I am counting on those who come read here once in a while or even on a regular basis... so I am going to be blogging my journey and I want as much feedback as I can get so I can keep it up!

Going Batty ;)

2005-08-05T19:34:00.000-04:00

I was getting ready to go into the pool and just grabbing the towels that were on the line and then saw one that had fallen on the stairs... so I go to pick it up and I here a real high pitch sound that sounded like the beetles we have in the spring that try to get in out house so I thought one of them was in there… then the towel was moving... so I think…. Hmmmmm…. That must be a big bug!
So I move the towel to let the bug out and then I see some thing huddled in the corner of the towel... At first I thought it was a mouse or something but then it turned its head and screamed at me and I realized that it was a bat!! So I cover the thing back up again and start breathing again... I'm not scared of bats per-say I just wasn't prepared to have one scream at me at that particular moment... ya know?
So I go swimming, breathe a bit and then went to open the towel again to see if it was OK.. It was already on the stairs at that point and I took a few pics... I went in the house for a few secs and when I came back out it had disappeared... so hopefully it was just stunned... I guess it had flown into the towel during the night and made it fall...

2005-08-05T19:33:00.000-04:00

The Bat

2005-08-05T19:32:00.001-04:00

Mad Bat with Big Teeth!

2005-08-05T19:32:00.000-04:00

Never seen a bat up close like this...

Arghh....

2005-08-04T11:52:00.000-04:00

I have been sick for a few weeks... stuffy nose, coughing etc... The last few days the coughing has got worse so I decided to go to the clinic today... I hate the Walk-in clinic here.. the doctors are so rude and the guy I got I really hate cause he prescribes things without explanation...
Anyways... turns out I have bronchitis and my Asthma is getting worse and my old meds just can't cut it anymore and just weren't working well when I needed them.... So I got Antibiotics for the infection which I really don't want to take but everyday my cough is getting worse and all my muscles hurt from coughing... Two new pumps for my asthma and to help clear my lungs from the infection and Cough syrup to help me stop coughing at night (I don't understand why it needs to have codeine in it though!)... It cost me 210$!!!! I can't beleive it!! I didn't even want to go to the clinic but I couldn't stand the feeling of not being able to breathe right anymore...
Anyways... I also have to go for a chest X-ray on Monday... Arghh....

Same old Gripe....

2005-08-01T19:31:00.000-04:00

What do people expect from these babies... I am SO SICK!!! of hearing about babies Crying themselves to sleep... it is SICK!! People seem to have this idea that kids need to learn to self-soothe and that night wakings and having trouble falling asleep by themselves are just bad habits and their kids are just manipulating them... Yeah.. big Manipulation!! They are crying out because they want some warm and tender time and help to fall asleep from the person that they love the most... (I better tell my DH to back off when he cuddles me at night cause that is plain manipulation)
And night wakings... Oh yeah that doctor knows best saying that a 10 month old could not be possibly nursing for any other reason then comfort (and of course needing comfort is wrong and a bad habit... we all want to be alone and uncomforted for the rest of our lives right?) What about hunger? what about thirst? What the Heck does a doctor know about a babies needs, and why the heck is comfort such an awful thing to want...
It really makes me sick to know that parents out there care for their kids yet beleive that they are manipulative little creatures that need to be trained like dogs and need to be taught at as soon as possible that the world is a cold and lonely place and that some needs are just not good enough to be met (emotional being the biggest)... Why do people think that so many adults repress their feelings, are stressed and have emotional needs that have never been met by the people that they loved the most and trusted the most as young children... Why is it that people have so many trust issues?

Well... this will be continued soon because at the moment I am being called to nurse my two beautiful boys to sleep...

My birthday and a night out and the rest of the week...

2005-07-30T11:09:00.000-04:00

My Birthday ended up being an OK day... Simon let me sleep in which was nice and then I got a nice breakfast that was prepared by him and Xavier. In the early afternoon I went out for a Chai Latte by myself with the Half blood prince but could really stay there long... I missed the kids and it just didn't feel right sitting there by myself... Dh in the meantime baked me a cake... When I got back home I asked my neighbor for restaurant suggestions and talked with her for a bit about Sushi and got a craving so I decided to go to a buffet that serves Sushi about 45 min away... When we got there we found out that they only serve Sushi on weekends....
We got back home tired and didn't end up doing much... It was raining and just too awful to have the fire outside... So we didn't do much and then headed of for bed... (I didn't even get to blow out my candles on my cake)
My mother called to wish me happy birthday and so did a good friend of mine Isabelle but no one else... I am a bit disappointed but I guess that's life...

Wednesday evening however was great... I met my friend Isablle at 5pm and we went to look for a restaurant... It was our first time being together and talking without kids around... It was great.. We were finally able to have a conversation without interruptions!! Anyways... The restaurant was great, the food was great and the conversation was great.. Then we went and got a Chai together and just talked until it was almost 10pm... Then we both had to get back to the kids...
When I got home Colin was sleeping and Xavier was still wide awake... It didn't take long however for him to fall asleep and then Colin woke up soon after and after nursing a few minutes he was also good for the night...

Thursday night I finally got to make a fire outside and roast marshmallows in my own yard...

Today is Saturday... DH and Xavier have gone to the library by bike and I am at home writing this... We should have a friend coming over later today and usually that means that the guys will have a few beers, we will eat well and we will have a fire tonight and have a great conversation around it...

Tommorow's my Birthday....

2005-07-25T23:01:00.000-04:00

I'll be 28 tommorow and I am not sure how the day is going to go... I just wish for once that I didn't have to plan my birthday out and that I could get a great day witout being the lead... I am tired of having to lead, I am tired of sitting on the couch and giving suggestions and having questions as answers asking if that is relly what I want to do.... This year when asked what I wanted to do for my birthday I responded that I didn't want to make plans and that I wanted things to be planned out for me... we have no plans for tommorow... though I will make marshmallows on the new fireplace rain or shine..

Just a Monday

2005-07-25T23:00:00.000-04:00

Today we lounged around and got some house work done.. not the stuff that you see however, but the real stuff that just gets put off all off the time... going through the kids drawers and taking out what doesn't fit anymore, finding all the shoes mates, unclogging the kids bathtub drain etc... then I went out and bought a present for myself/the family that we have been wanting for a while (an outdoor fireplace) After supper and while the kids where in the bath I assembled it and it is really nice... I can't wait to try it out and roast some marshmallows in my backyard...

Weekend up North...

2005-07-25T22:59:00.000-04:00

Over the weekend we went up North to our Cabin and had a great time... Really our Cabin is my Uncle's Sugar Shack that we use in the summer as a Cabin but it is a great place to hang out and be alone...
We got there Saturday afternoon and got installed, then went to a friends house, went out for supper, made a big fire, roasted marshmallows, got the kids to bed, watched the stars and talked... In the morning we got up early had coffee and toast but mad on the gas stove and then headed out to a flea market that is on the way home... We got a few things there and then headed back to the ferry to take us hoime and to our swimming pool...
Here are a few pics that I took over the weekend...

2005-07-25T22:56:00.003-04:00

Frog

2005-07-25T22:56:00.002-04:00

Xavier and the Fire

2005-07-25T22:56:00.001-04:00

The Cabin

2005-07-25T22:56:00.000-04:00

The outhouse

2005-07-25T22:54:00.003-04:00

Fire

2005-07-25T22:54:00.002-04:00

The Cabin

2005-07-25T22:54:00.001-04:00

The Cabin

2005-07-25T22:54:00.000-04:00

Xavier helping Daddy

2005-07-25T22:53:00.002-04:00

Xavier