I stuck my neck out!

And it didn't get chopped off!!!!

I wrote a post on an AP board saying basically what I said in my last log here and it was actually welcomed with open arms by many people (especially the "old timers"that were leaving for the same reasons)... Today the board is actually different, the posts are more positive and the answers are no longer just to please but are based on AP thought, Not everyone is happy of course because a lot of people that consider themselves AP but use CIO etc are no longer free to rule the board, The advice that come "types" of CIO are OK blah blah blah will no longer be tolerated anymore......and the thing is... I really don't care what they think... It is an AP board and somethings just don't belong!
The AP moms are finally finding their voices again..
You can read the thread here...

New Trend in AP?

I go on a few message boards once in a while and I do not like what I am seeing. AP is taking a shift towards the mainstream within the boards and therefore I am shifting more and more away from the term.
The problem that I see is that when I discovered the AP philosophy it was about breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, natural birth etc being tools to help a mother bond and get ‘attached’… CIO was a no-no and couldn’t be part of being AP…the people were also more into natural parenting… …
The trend however has been leaning towards a new and more open view of AP. It seems that the new AP parent can forgo all of the tools of Attachment Parenting and even use CIO… it seems that the definition of listening to your child and responding to it’s needs now include the ‘need’ for a baby to learn how to fall asleep by himself, the ‘need’ for a baby to learn how to self-soothe and the need for the child to adhere to the parents way of life.
This new form of AP is very disturbing to me and I can’t relate. It makes me mad when someone asks for advice from AP moms (or people that call themselves AP) and gets a response that talks about CIO and how it isn’t that bad and how it works. They don’t agree with extinction CIO (when you leave baby CIO until they fall asleep and it can take hours) but they talk about Ferber (intervals of 5, 10, 15 min etc) or the Sleep-Lady (CIO with Parent in the room just ignoring the child)

For me this is a good definition of what AP is…
Attachment Parenting Principles:The basic components of a nurturing, instinctive parenting style....
Being informed about your birth options. Educating yourself about the birthing process and planning for a birth that is intervention free as possible.
Forming an early connection to your child, using the initial hours after birth to bond and having your baby "room in" with you after a hospital birth rather than in the nursery. (I need to add that Home Births hsould also be an ideal *paxye)
Responding quickly to your baby's cries and knowing that you can't "spoil" her by feeding and holding her whenever she needs you to.
Breastfeeding exclusively and on baby's cue for at least 6 months followed by the introduction of solids when your child is ready combined with continued nursing.
Child led weaning: knowing that it is natural and normal for children to breastfeed for well over one (TWO *paxye) years.
Wearing your baby in a sling.
Using gentle discipline techniques. Knowing the difference between discipline and punishment and avoiding physical or shame-inducing punishment. Being authoritative rather than authoritarian or overly permissive.
You allow and encourage your child to share sleep with you. Realizing that your child needs do not desist at sunset and that nurturing is important around the clock, you willingly accept that for this season of your life, your "marital bed" should be your family bed.
Learning, understanding and following your childs cues. Knowing that your child has his own schedule for physical, emotional and social development, toilet learning and indepedence issues rather than trying to force him into an "expected" time frame. (IPT or EC should also be an IDEAL * paxye)
Believing that by meeting your childs needs during infancy and toddlerhood you are encouraging the development of a healthy, happy, independent person.
You are flexible and realize that what worked last week might not work this week, and that what works for one child may not work for another. You are willing to educate yourself about parenting and make the extra effort that your children are worth.
You don't fall for the "quality time" myth. You recognize that real quality time consists of more time (spent cuddling, reading, playing, learning or just being together) not short frantic bursts of "fun" activities.
Upon finding find out you are pregnant with your second child, you don't even set up a crib, you start shopping for a king sized bed. You decide to give tandem nursing a try instead of weaning your nursing toddler.
You make time with your children a priority, regardless of material sacrifices that might have to be made. Obviously, single parents have to work, and there are other families that truly need two incomes. But you recognize that nurturing is of vast importance in your child's early years and that day care, while it may be adequate, is not as beneficial to your child as you are.
You know who Ezzo, and Ferber are and they make you at least slightly queasy.
You avoid the typical mother substitutes that are so prevelant in our society from the seemingly benign: Blankies and "lovies" (when used as a substitute for your presence) cribs, playpens, and pacifiers to the patently absurd: teddy bears with heartbeats, cribs that simulate womb movement, bottle holders (if you are doing any bottle feeds).
The premise that fully nurturing your children is considered by many to be the antithesis of feminism infuriates you, and you won't buy into that belief system. If you are female, you are proud to be a stay at home mother and consider it the most important thing you could possibly doing right now. You want to raise your children yourself, not hand them over to someone else to do the job.
Moving Beyond The Basics: Taking attachment to the next level......
You plan for a home birth (or perhaps a birthing center) with a midwife.
You are considering, or are at least open to the possibility, of home-schooling or un-schooling.
You educate yourself about circumcision and choose not to make your male children suffer through the pain and trauma of the procedure without a very good reason.
You vaccinate your kids because you have made an informed decision, not just because it's what you are "supposed" to do. Just for the record: we did choose to vaccinate...for a variety of reasons.
You don't allow violent toys and entertainment in your home. Creative toys and play reign.
You restrict the amount of television that your child watches, perhaps you don't even own one.
http://www.parentingweb.com/ap/ap_info.htm

about a friendship...

I made a friend a little while back and we hit it off right away... we don't see each other often because of all different kinds of circumstances but we both really want to... It makes me realize though when we talk that I really miss having a close friend. I haven't had a great mutual friendship in a long time. Sure, there are people that I love to talk to, that I love to get together with but we are not at the same place in our lives, and it just isn't the same. With this new friend however, we have the same goals, the same ideologies (breastfeeding, co-sleeping, positive parenting, whole foods etc) and we just hit it off from the moment that we met... she is someone that I know will never judge me and she is someone that I miss when we go without talking for a while. And the great thing is that she calls me too and she also really shows me that she feels the same...
I often think about moving back to BC but today when I thought about it I realized how much she meant to me because it pained me to think that moving away would mean putting this friendship on hold...
Isn't a friendship powerful....

Xavier's just too weird sometimes....

Xavier is my first born and my little "weirdo"... He is just not like other kids...
As a newborn he was quiet, almost never crying, he was an angel until he was about 18 months old.. I could bring him anywhere and I did bring him everywhere without a peep... The only thing though was that he never fit into groups that I brought him to... he would nurse when he needed to but wasn't a big comfort nurser, he would eat and would use a spoon or fork almost immediately and he wouldn't get dirty... (I remember him just before he turned two and he was eating a piece of watermelon and would wipe himself after each bite)
At about 7-8 months old we joined a Mother Goose program... He hated it, he hated when people sang and he hated doing things with the others... We also where in Mom-tot groups that brought the same results... He was and still is a "loner"... It is OK, and I understand that that is who he is but I find it sad that he never wants to play with others and he still doesn't play well with others especially if he is put in a situation that he needs to do so (like at daycare)...
Xavier also matured very early, he understands things so well but didn't talk until quite later on.... He loves to play alone, doesn't like playing games, will pretend but rarely does so if he thinks you are watching...
Toys like the tupperware ball, Stacking rings, stacking cups and all of those really never interested him until he was fully aware that he could do them... He doesn't like trying new things unless he knows that he has the capacity to accomplish it...
For his first full three years he refused to look at a book with us, now however he is catching up and reads with us everyday... He still hates when we sing though... NO ONE is allowed to sing to him, though I can get around it by saying that I am singing to Colin now....
It's true though that he also stopped growling at the TV whenever there was a song (or just shutting the TV off) and now actually listens but only if we don't let him know that we know that he is watching it... Though at the moment the kids are in the bath and Simon put the Lollipop song on and is making them laugh...
He also never really danced until recently and even then he will only do so by Turning around once or twice and then growl and go hide....
Xavier also has the best memory I can imagine... He knows characters be their names (star wars toys etc), he knows songs and what shows they come from, he can often recognize words (yet doesn't know his letters)
So why do I think he is weird today...
I went on a nature walk with the boys... Xavier doesn't leave the path at all and won't walk ahead or behind me.. He holds a walking stick but won't touch anything also cause he doesn't want to get dirty... Along the path I decided to try to sing a song...
Here's the conversation...
Me: Xavier repeat after me OK... (he know what repeat is)
Xavier: OK Mama
Me: We're going on a bear hunt
Xavier: We're going... Where's the bear?
Me: It's a song that talks about a bear... so repeat after me... We're going on a bear hunt..
Xavier... Where's the bear?
Me: (continuing the song) we got the tall grass... do we go around it? No...
Xavier: No...
Me: Do we go over it?... No...
Xavier No...
Me: Do we go through it?
Xavier: Mama?
Me: Yes Xavier?
Xavier: Where's the Bear?

LOL.... Just gotta love the press sometimes!!

Of course I had to check out if it was real or not and Yep! it is...
(In all senses! of course ;) )
http://www.snopes.com/katrina/photos/disaster.asp

Thanks Sara for opening my eyes a bit wider....

I was just reading something that a fellow blogger (Sara) wrote that just makes me want rant! In agreement with her of course!

I feel physically sick when I see how the maintsream is raising their babies and then I just want to scream when things go wrong later on... These new generations have explanitions for everything and believe that they are invisible yet take responsability for nothing. The make their kids grow up too fast, force them "self-soothe" , make them supress their feelings, overschedule, over push, over medicate, nutritionally deprive them (through formula, processed foods, lack of vegetables etc) , give them everything material but not emotional, and make them have priorities that are not appropriate for their age and then wonder why they have emotional problems later on it life.

I am made to feel like a freak because I do thing that are not seen as 'normal' I breastfeed, co-sleep, wear my baby because I love to do it, I use cloth diapers and practice Elimination Communication, I don't vaccinate and I won't be sending my kids to school.. I get comments that imply that I am hurting my kids, I get comments that imply that I have no problems with my kids, I have comments that imply that I love being every second with my kids and imply that I am just lucky... I work so hard to be such a parent in the society that I live and I feel that I am not allowed to complain without being told to take the "easy" way out... and because I don't complain because I don't want to rejustify everything over and over again.
I am set apart from other moms because they always feel the need to justify why they chose to do something when they are with me.
I can't talk about the joys of breastfeeding because they will feel guilty and then expain why they couldn't for the 100th time even if their reason is crap and they know it, and if I complain about the times that I feel touched out their only solution is to wean and then get into a whole talk about how formula isn't that bad and they survived and their kids survived... I can't talk about Xavier's nursing habits without being told that he is way too old to nurse...
I can't talk about how Xavier crowds the bed some nights and my back hurts because I will just get the speech about it being important for him to be in his own bed... I can't talk about Colin nursing at night without someone telling me to just let him CIO and that it is the best solution and it just needs to be done...

I want to leave this city, I want to go live in a commune or somewhere where I will have a community life. I want to live in the mountains again, I want to get rid of "stuff" and live with the basics, I want to peel potatoes with a friend, and sit down and chat over tea, I want to garden and teach and not always be alone...
I want to live in a world where I can finally be myself without constant justification...

I need 5 people for my class..

Now I need 4! Yahoo!!!
I just got a call from a soon to be new mom asking about prices and I told her about the class that I am going to be giving and she said that it sounds great and that she is going to call to give her name...
I am getting really excited about this... I have only sold one to date but I think that the word will soon get out more and the more people that use them in public the more that people will want one... We don't have a big town and everyone startes and asks questions about them when we are out so I know that people are interested....

A few new pics....

Colin

Finally a great pic of Xavier!

"Colin le Coquin"

Colin

Peek-a-boo

Colin and Sparky

I am going to be giving my first Babywearing class!!

I got word the other day that everything was OK to give a babywearing class at a local org.... I talked with the director the other day about when I was available and we set a date... I thought she was just going to put an add up in the center but she will be doing that and she sent out a newsletter with all the fall activities and such and it was on it too... I can't believe that it is so official (in writing and everything LOL) Anyways.. There needs to be a minimum of 5 inscriptions for it to go ahead so it is not certain yet but it is pretty close!

I want to write a book!

I have been wanting to write a children's book for a long time now and I really want to do it now... Those who read this message that have beautiful pics that they love with them nursing and would like them maybe included I would love to see them...
I want to do an AP kids book that has things like Co-sleeping, Breastfeeding (and Tandeming), Babywearing etc... and maybe even EC....

Anyways... just e-mail me paxyebelle@gmail.com ...

Just a sweet pic....

My sweet baby is one...., originally uploaded by paxye.

about Katrina...

The whole Katrina disaster makes me mad… I can understand the storm but it is what happened after that makes me mad....I can’t believe how much disregard for human life is being seen… even now.. a week later... The stories are heart wrenching and I really can’t imagine what it was like to be in those conditions…
I also can’t imagine what reasons could be good enough to explain why it took so long for help to come to those people… Why did people go so long without food and Water?
There are so many things that tick me off… One thing is that the whole thing seems to have such a harsh underlying racial aspect that I just can’t ignore and to what I have seen the media can’t even ignore…
Of course breastfeeding came to my mind…. I may be looked down upon for thinking this but why the heck where babies starving to death and dying of thirst… I can’t help but put the blame on the Formula companies and society in general for this… People in our culture feel like they are so immune to not having the basics like drinking water that they don’t even give a second thought… There were children born during the days after the hurricane or during the hurricane and they were talking about how scared they were of running out of formula… not even desperate times can make them change their views…
I cried when I saw a small 10 day old baby limp and needing nourishment… For sure the mom still had a bit of milk or could relactate… did she try?
Of course the Formula companies come off as heroes when they send trucks of baby formula… but they are the reason why the babies where starving in the first place…
A woman can make milk even in dire situations and though it is true that she needs to replenish herself the amount of water that it takes to feed two (her and the baby) can be given to her alone and both would survive and even better, the baby will have a clean source of milk complete with antibodies and even agents that work against diarrhoea (therefore they run less risk of getting even more dehydrated)
I really don’t want to come off as sending an “I told you so” message I just think that in the light of such disasters I really hope that in the future people can see that there are further risks to Formula feeding and that this is the exact reason why Nestle is seen as such evil in parts of the world that have children dying everyday because formula was brought in but there is no clean water supply….

Breathing is good...

OK… I can now breathe again…
The party went over quite well and everyone seemed to be happy… and at this point if they where not then I really don’t give a hoot…
I made my cone cupcakes instead of getting a cake and they were a hit so I think I am going to do the same from now on… They are easy to make, everyone loves them, they are cheap and they just look cool! (of course the question always comes up... don't the cones Burn in the oven?)