Response to comment on the EC post...

Kelly wrote this in the comments on the EC post...
"I think there is a huge distinction between Natural Family stuff and AP. There are folks out there who do both, but there are also lots of super AP folks who just don't care for the NF stuff."

I really need to respond... To me EC IS AP...

In itself I don't see diapering as a whole being part of AP though I do see Cloth diapers as being NP (Natural Parenting)

However... I see EC as being an extension of AP more then an NP practice.. (though it can be NP if you look at it simply as a diapering issue i.e... using less/no diapers at all)

To me EC is about my child communicating a basic need (to eliminate) and me being in tune enough to pick up on those cues and bring him to the potty... It is a relationship, such as breastfeeding is a response to hunger and comfort cues, EC is a response to elimination cues...

Though changing less to no diapers is a big plus of EC for me it is not the goal... it is the communication that occurs...

I think this is the point that doesn't get across to many people... it seems that they just see EC as being about early potty training... It is so much more!!!

Though I understand that it is not for everyone, and I don't think it needs to be necessary part of AP, I truly believe that EC is an AP practice and not NP...

What is it about EC that makes people freak out..

With EC in the news lately I have been hearing a lot of negative comments...
First of all.. If you don't want to do it then don't do it!!
These people seem to think that EC kids are just eliminating all around the house and soiling everything... Don't they know that kids are intelligent and KNOW when they need to eliminate and when you use diapers you are teaching them to eliminate in their diaper and soil themselves??!! My 3 yo was a diaper baby.. Cotton and pampers all of the way... He didn't want to have anything to do with the toilet until just before he turned 3.. His toilet was the thing that he wore everywhere.. I taught him as a baby that he needed to eliminate in his diaper and it has been hard to get him to unlearn that habit!
Don't they know that many mom's use diapers as a backup and instead of changing a soiled diaper they just bring their child to the potty and then put the clean diaper back on... Why is it that people say that they don't have the time... Pottying means no messy clothes, no messy cleanups, no diaper rash, no fighting etc... It actually saves time...
Don't they know that there are some moms that use EC even though they work full time, are out of the house often, want to go out sometimes etc?... As with many things... a little can be better then none at all and at least the child knows both ways... As for leaving the house... There are many solutions and kids CAN hold it in!!! Do people not leave the house with their 4 years olds cause they might have to stop to go to the bathroom?
Colin has been EC'd since he was about 3 months old... Next time I am starting at birth... I have to admit that he was doing great until he started to walk and went on a major potty strike and lost the habit of telling us as often and then we lost the habit also... However, he didn't lose the feeling of going and everyday he is going potty more and more and can even go and sit on the potty by himself... and is using less and less diapers as the days go by....
I think the real reason that people speak so negatively about EC is that they are not/don't want to be that tuned in to their kids.. they want to use pampers that absorb 1000 times their weight in moisture because they don't want to be inconvenienced by changing a diaper often... (I have too many times seen moms that leave their kid in a poo soiled diaper because "they 'just' changed them") I think people are also jealous or feel guilty about not being tuned into their children's cues as much...
Some people use the argument that it is just the parent being 'trained'... If that is true then I we are also 'trained' to feed our children when they tell us they are hungry, 'trained' to bath them when they are dirty or 'trained' to comfort them when they are need comfort... (OH YEAH!!! they also probably don't agree with that either and need an object to do that for them too)

Transitional Objects...

On an AP newsgroup that I read and participate on I had a little debate this morning… It was friendly, I don’t think any feelings where hurt on either side so there is no harm done… however, I feel the need to talk about the subject here on my blog…

A question was asked… Are AP’d kids less likely to need a “lovie”, pacifier etc… My first instinct is to say yes… however, 19 responses later revealed that many of the kids have transitional objects…

However, I still believe that AP kids are less likely to need them… First, Pacifiers…It seems that most people that answered that their kids are attached to pacifiers are the ones that didn’t breastfeed for whatever reason… (I will be addressing this in another post ;) ), a few kids had transitional object because of daycare and then a 2-3 others that had kids that picked up transitional objects for no reason other then they wanted it…. and then a few moms had kids that had no attachments to any object…

One woman then mentioned that she was talking to a “PH.D” friend of hers that told her that having a paci etc is not a burden but a ‘gift’… “the gift to ‘self-soothe’”… this is where the debate started (if you could even call it that)…
I'm in Blue she is in Red

As for the pp who talked about the importance of a transitional object because the child learns to 'self-soothe' I respectively don't agree... they are not 'self-soothing' they relying on an object to soothe them... Take away the object, you take away the 'ability'...

Also, I don't see the importance of 'self-soothing' until they are ready to do so, so I would rather them depend on me then on an object... I am also one of those that do not like Paci's... especially for a breastfed baby... I understand that some moms say they need them but in the year that I have been a breastfeeding counsellor I have seen too many cases of nipple confusion and low supply issues because of a paci... and personally I would rather be the paci for my kids...
I don't think that there is anything wrong with a transitional object... Personally, I don't like it but I do know that many kids really need it and it is a lifesaver for moms that can't be there all of the time... of kids that just really need them...

Self-soothing is a good thing at any age! I agree that the bink in the early weeks can interfere with BF and should be avoided.

I am confident I can soothe my child, but I am also confident not to feel guilty or less-AP if my baby can find comfort in his bink or his thumb.

Some babies and children get comfort orally -- no biggie. Others like the feel and touch of something. Also no biggie. Any child who can center themselves with the use of a transitional object is blessed with a gift -- and there is absolutely NO HARM in that gift unless it interferes with developmental progress, which is extremely rare.

Again.. I have see nothing wrong or un-AP with a child choosing a transitional object... and I don't see anything wrong with self-soothing at any age (if the child chooses to do it and is not forced to do it)
But, again, I don't see it as "Self-soothing" when there is a reliance on something (be it a person or an object)
So I personally wouldn't agree with the PHD friend of yours as seeing it as a gift... it is just another thing that the child will have to wean from... (which again is OK if done when they are ready to do it by themselves)
I guess the best way to explain what I mean is to say this...
I think that personality can bring some kids to seek a transitional object even if they are the most attached, AP'd child and any AP mom will recognize that need...
However, I also think that AP'd kids NEED less transitional objects because of the parenting style... KWIM?

I agree with almost everything but your last nine words.

I'd say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don't introduce them.

And I think we are just speaking past each other on the self-soothing. I define self soothing as being able to center oneself without the aid of another person, you seem to define it as centering without the aid of anything external. What is interesting about your definition is that I can't even do that [i/]. LOL!

In order to relax, I often need to have a drink of water, or a nice long hug from DH. Sometimes when I am tense at work I find myself chewing on the end of my pencil. These actions all "soothe" me. Indeed, I only know a few [i/] grown ups who can effectively self-soothe completely on their own without any external assistance. Those folks are rare and truly amazing people -- they tend not get to get ruffled by anything.

So I count the use of transitional objects and binks as a means of self-soothing. Most children will give up such objects/habits when they are ready to give them up -- sort of like child led weaning.

Personally I see self-soothing as a way of coping without relying on one fixed object (be it a paci, a bear or even mom)... and though I think that learning how to "self-soothe' is important later on in life... I don't emphasize the importance in infancy, babyhood, toddlerhood etc... Of course, again there are some children that will latch themselves on an object even if the parent is there... and I think that that can be part of a natural progression...
And, personally, IMO, I would rather be that 'object' then having something else...I think that kids need to have us to rely on so that we can in turn teach them how to soothe themselves.. KWIM?
Of course, as an adult I too have things to help me cope and "self-soothe", DH, hot bath, a cup of tea, music etc...
I also don't see anything wrong in having someone to help you soothe as an adult as long as you have those skills in place...
I'd say that it may be true that AP children on average may use transitional objects less because AP parents on the whole don't introduce them.

I agree... BUT, It's not like AP moms keep all teddy bears, blankets etc away from their kids...if a child wants or needs a transitional object they WILL find one..and an AP mom won't take it away but nurture that need...
however, I do think that AP kids need them less...

I guess we'll have to agree on disagreeing

Anyways… I really don’t think that there is anything wrong with having a transitional object as long as it is not because there is a lack of parental attachment, and I think that the need comes up less in AP kids then in non-AP’d kids... I also think that those that do choose an object for themselves often do it later on and it is truly a ‘transitional” object to help them on their own path to independence.
I even have to admit that both boys do have Teddies (well an Owl and a mouse) that we gave them with the hope that they would become favorites… however, neither of them did…both do like their blankets that they sleep with every night but they are not missed if they are not there…

so what do you think?
Do AP'd kids NEED lovies paci's etc as much as non-AP'd kids?

New pics on Flickr....

Come see :)

CLSC visit and other babywearing stuff...

I went to the CLSC today to give information of Babywearing to the Nurses Committee... It was cool... I was a bit nervous but they were a great bunch and really made me fell good about being there... It was fun cause they were all ears, full of questions and loved every minute of it..
every single one of the nurses there was completely in awe with the carriers... there wasn't even one that talked about anything negative... It was really great... All of the nurses are incolved with new moms on a daily basis so I really have my foot in the door now in the community...
I printed up some sheets on the Advantages of babywearing and gave them all a copy and I was even asked if they could pass along copies to moms so I know that I am going to get more calls soon..
What was really cool was that I told them of how I started babywearing, how much I love it and the primary reason that I want to share is because it is something that means so much to me... When one of the nurses asked where to buy them I then told them that I was the one that sells them in the region... and they all wanted to get my contact...
So each nurse is now armed with a buisness card, info on why mom's should wear their babies and with a basic knowledge of the different kids of carriers... (pouch, wrap, sling)

I was also asked last week about presenting babywearing to a group of soon-to-be new moms at the Carrefour on Thursday... and I met the nurse that I will be doing that with...

_____

On another note... I have been demonstrating with my Ellaroo and my Maya wrap lately... though I was only selling Maman Kangouroo stuff... However, so many moms love my ellaroo and my Maya wrap and asked about getting them...
A while back I got info about selling Ellaroo and finally got back in touch with the company... They now distribute a few Traditional carriers so I if I deal with them I can get my Maman Kangouroo wraps, slings and pouches, Maya wrap sling and pouch and Ellaroo wraps all from the same place from inside Quebec... so no border fees or exchange...
So I am now offering all three companies....

I am getting excited.... this is finally starting to really take off...

Just in yesterday.. a pic taken at the LLL conference back in June

the news...

I have not been effected so much by the news in a long time as I was last night... the story of the mom throwing her 3 kids off of a pier into the chilly Ocean waters just made me sick to me stomach.... I have heard other stories in the past about similar incidents but this one just got to me...
How can people be so cruel to innocent children... It makes me want to disappear into my own world even more...
I can't even say more...

French/english school...

Yesterday I went to Xavier's daycare because it was their picture day and it wasn't a day that he goes to daycare...
While I was waiting a mom there heard me speak in English to Xavier and asked me if I was going to send him to "Harold Sheppard" the only english school in the region... I told her that I didn't think so because I didn't hear good things about it ... and just before I told her that I was going to be homeschooling anyways she told me how she had heard that it was a great school and that is why she is sending her kids there... I told her about what I had heard....It is an English school in which the teachers are french, french is spoken in the school and the level of english is seemingly appalling... She interupted me again saying that she didn't find that and she even had to fight with the teachers to speak french with her daughter because her daughter didn't know a word of english and it wasn't fair for her, and that she even though of taking her out of the school because she is there to learn english, "afterall we are in Quebec" so they should speak french.... ARGGGHHHH ...
First I I looked at this mom like she had a second head... and then I couldn't help it... So I told her... See, THAT's why I don't want to send me kids there... when there are is large majority of the kids that don't speak english at all, never have and then the parents tell the teachers to speak in french also, I can't imagine the level of english is near standard, and if the kids are just learning how to speak english the entire time, when do they learn all of the other stuff?... I then told her that I was going to homeschool anyways...
It is an ENGLISH SCHOOL!!! I understand that people want their kids to learn english but why does it have to sacrifice education... I called the school yesterday after this incident and asked them about their school... yes most of the teachers are bilingual but with french as their first language and out of the 80 families that have kids in the school only 3 are english...
I am glad that I am going to Homeschool... I have always wanted it and more and more there is no other alternative...

A "Duh" Moment...

A friend of mine lent us a laptop quite a while ago... the battery is dead so we can't use it on the go but yesterday I had a 'Duh' (slap the forehead) moment... I can still use it to write texts while plugged!!
So I am working on a few posts that I have been meaning to write but don't have the time to do so cause in the day I am with the kids and at nightI am on the computer after supper but then Simon gets the computer... but now I will be able to write too.... So now there are quite a few posts that I have planned and a few more things that I have been thinking about....
Thanks D... ;)

My first loaf of sourdough....

Today I made my first loaf of sourdough bread with the starter that I was given yesterday... It is amazing... I don't think I could ever go back to store bought bread ever again...
A little while back I choose to really go towards whole foods. I have always wanted this and now I feel like I have reached the point that it is now a habit and a good one... I did crave things at the beginning but that has past and now I think about certain processed foods and it turns my stomach...
I am proud of what I am feeding my family now and I don't feel guilty at all when we go for fast food once in a while....
Another thing is that I have always been very sensitive to smells and I am very sensetive to the smeel of someones house... Now, I am also proud of the smell of my house, it smells inviting and warm, today it smells like fresh baked bread and fresh baked Apple Crumble... what cuold be more inviting!

Building my Village....

One of the moms that I volunteer with (breastfeeding peer councelor) wanted to buy a wrap from me so I went to see her today... I really didn't think that I would be there long... I have only seen her a handful of times and only within the group setting.. I didn't even really know her name but I did know that she was mom of 5 kids and is due with#6 in 2-3 weeks.. So, I decided this morning when I got up that I was going to make her a loaf of bread....
I got to her house and was enthralled... her home is a dream home for me... a century old home at the end of a long lane filled with trees (all golden at the moment) Her front yard is full of trees and looks over the playground of the school that her kids attend... litterally the playground of the shcool is the front yard of the house.. on the side of the house is a barn and in back a yard full of trees, a playground of their own and they even have rabbits and I think they have chickens (not sure about that one though)...
I went in a handed her the bread and I knew that I had made a new friend.... we started talking and she is an amazing woman and an amazing mom.... Her oldest (a girl) is almost 12, then 3 boys (10,8,6) and a wild haired 3 yo daughter.... We talked over tea and continued talking until her kids came home for lunch and I got to meet them all... then we kept on talking until it was time for me to leave... It was amazing to see Colin with all of the other kids... he dealt with her 3 yo like he deals with his brother but when the other kids cam in he was in love! The 12 year old adopted him for the hour she was home and Colin started to go to her to get picked up.... he even snuggled into her shoulder as she walked with him....
I think that this a friend that I would love to get to know even more... we share many of the same values and it was just fun....
She and the kids loved the bread and I left with some sourdough starter from the bread that shee makes...

Colin slept through the night and other things....

The last two nights I have been away from the house... Tuesday was the Babywearing class, it went pretty well but there was only two people... They did bring their kids though and got to try on the slings and wraps and everything so that was fun... One mom bought a wrap right away, the other is going to call me if she needs one...
Yesterday I went to Isabelle's house and spent the day with her and the kids... it was nice... I always have fun when I go there and I just feel comfortable... There is no akward moments etc... just relaxing....
Last night I went to a volunteer meeting that happens about every six weeks... it is to touch base with the other volunteers, get the latest news and get suggestions for cases that we might need help on...
Both nights I left the kids with Simon and though Xavier still won't go to sleep until I am home Colin gets to sleep easily by just sitting on Simon... Before when this would happen, Colin would wake up at about 10-11 to nurse but lately he has been skipping that nursing session and that has even extended to nights that he hasn't been nursed to sleep it seems... Tuesday he woke up at about 2 am to nurse and then this morning at 5am (when Simon got up to go to work) Colin was still sleeping... Simon came to me and told me that Colin was still in his bed and it was 5am... I just looked at him and said 'Cool... that's why I'm leaking!'.... So Simon went to get Colin and brought him into our bed where he slept until about 6:30....
As much as I want this to last, I am going to miss having him in our bed... I like the arrangement that we have though that the kids start off in their own beds... I like falling asleep next to Simon and I like falling asleep with my breast tucked away... but I also love turning over in the middle of the night and feeling the soft skin of my boys...
Sleeping through the night can be a bitter-sweet moment....

Tonight...

I'm giving my first baby wearing class... Finally there are going to be 4 people...
It's not much but it is a start... I am all ready!

Next visitor is the 1000th Visitor!

Cool!
Thanks to everyone who reads my Blog!

Xavier is gone for the night....

Xavier is spending the night at my mom's tonight... this is the first time that he has stayed the night with mom just for the enjoyment of doing so... He spent the night the night after Colin was born because we were at the birthing center and we had no idea how the night would go and we were exausted.. and then 2 1/2 weeks later he spent the night again when Colin was in the hospital for 5 days and I stayed there the whole time so Simon was alone with Xavier and needed a little break for night....but besides that he has never slept away...
So, I just drove and hour to Montreal and dropped him off at my mom's... they are going to have a sleepover and then Tomorrow she is bringing him to Disney on Ice: 100 years of Magic... I think he is going to have so much fun... and he was excited to see Woody and Buzz for 'real'.... it is just weird though that he is starting to have his own life and experiences without me... I feel a bit left out, but I also am proud that he becoming such a "big boy"...
On the way back home I saw a hitchhiker and I thought she looked really interesting and thought about stopping but it wasn't a good place to stop... I thought about her a few more times on the road... about half way home I saw her again and decided to stop... It isn't something that I have ever done but she just reminded me on two people that I really love... I was right.. she is a organic farmer, working at apple picking while she is on unemployment and was on the way to a poetry festival.... We had a nice conversation and I drove a little further to get her to the ferry so that she could get to where she was going in time....
I hitchiked a lot as a little girl with my mom and there is something about it that I remember... there was always a great conversation...

What peanuts chartacter are you?

Who are you?

Just a few words can mean so much....

I did alot of things with the kids yesterday and was feeling bad about not doing any housework... but Simon said something that made me even more proud to be his wife....
"In two years it won't matter if you cleaned or not, it will matter that you spent time with the kids"
Now that is a great husband and Father!

A major turn around....

Wow...
About 2 weeks ago we went on a nature walk with the boys... (I mentioned it here) When we left Xavier had a mega-tantrum... he didn't want to come home, he cried the whole way home, made a big scene and when we got home it was even worse... He was just completely out of whack... I sat down to nurse Colin and he got really upset and was trying to pry Colin off the breast and I just lost it and brought him to his room and closed the door... telling him that he couldn't come out until he was calm.... A lot of things, not only that day had led me up this point... Everyday it was becoming a struggle with him.. I would bring him to the park and I had to drag him home kicking and screaming, I said no, or in a minute, or after and he would demand "NO!! NOW!!!! WHAAAAA!!!.... this had been going on for quite while and we just didn't know how to deal with it... and That day I just had it.... I couldn't deal with it anymore.... So I put him in his room, on his bed. He got up, I didn't say a word and brought him back, he did it again, So did I.... Finally, he stayed on his bed and I went to sit down in the livingroom, and nurse Colin who was also crying because he was tired and hungry and wanted to nurse. I sat down, nursed Colin breathed and about 7-8 minutes later I got up, gave Colin a toy to keep him occupied and went to talk to Xavier... I sat down on the floor face to face with him....I talked to him like he was an adult, I needed to get some things out... I needed to tell him how I felt... It really felt weird talking to Xavier like that...
I told him how I didn't like how he always demanded things, I told him that I was tired of the tantrums, I told him that I needed him to appreciate the things we give him and the things we do with him and be happy with that... I told him that I loved him and that I loved doing things with him but I couldn't deal with the whining and the tantrums anymore.... He said Sorry.... I said Sorry.... We hugged each other for a minute and got up to continue with our day...
Since that day, since that conversation I have a little boy that is a pleasure to be with... there is no longer a fight to sit at the dinner table (we don't care if he eats or not but we want him to sit with us) However, not only is there no longer a fight, he actually eats more. When we go somewhere like the park or a walk there are no more fights when it is time to come home, when we go anywhere (swimming, shopping etc) he listens to us and it has been a pleasure going with him because of it... He actually Thanks me now for bringing him somewhere and seems to appreciate it now... and it makes me want to bring him everywhere now!
The remarkable thing though is that his vocabulary has evolved in the last few weeks... he has never been a big talker, he did talk but not really complete sentences... it was different... Now he talks in ways that I just couldn't imagine...
Since that day we both have had a major turn around.... I am doing more and more things with the kids because it is no longer a struggle and all of us are having much more fun.....